'This is a Massive Loss': La Grange Principal Prepares for a New Semester in Light of Student's Tragic Death

Delaney O’Connell loved to create.

She wrote articulately and drew ardently. You would never find her without a book.

“She noticed,” is how her principal at Cossitt Avenue Elementary School, Michael Michowski, described the quality. “She wasn’t one to be talking all day long, but to be both a writer and an artist, you have to be a noticer.”

Michowski is just one of Cossitt’s faculty members who is working to cope with the death of 10-year-old Delaney, who died in a skiing accident in Michigan New Year’s Day. While School District 102 administrators have had just days to process the tragedy themselves, they’re now faced with an even bigger hurdle: how to help Delaney’s peers understand and work through the loss.

“Because of the time factor, a lot of those conversations have already taken place at home,” Michowski said, referring to the fact that Cossitt students are still on winter vacation through Jan. 8. “That’s a benefit.”

Still, home and school are two very different environments, he said, and while there’s no formula for dealing with grief, he has taken steps to make sure Cossitt is prepared for the second half of the year sans one of its fourth grade students.

Michowski said there will be a handful of district social workers and psychologists — around 10 — on hand Monday to support students and staff alike. His choice to not bring in outside employees is deliberate.

“We want to be careful about bringing in someone the kids don’t know and expect that they’ll open up,” he said. As for him, he plans to be on his feet all day, walking through the halls and offering support wherever he can.

Social workers will be there all day for students to talk to, he said, and to guide teacher-led discussions.

“We count on open conversations,” he said, noting that Cossitt is a school he’s always noticed has been driven by personal attentiveness. He said that while he’s not planning on making a school-wide announcement when kids return to class Monday, teachers will guide smaller conversations so that children feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Most elementary classes begin with morning meetings anyway, he said, so this will probably be the most natural way to breach the subject at school.

Having worked through a student death earlier in his career, Michowski said he’s found the best way to help a younger demographic cope with loss is to simply be a good listener, remain present and not push.

“Conversations sometimes have their own rhythm,” he said. “Kids sometimes have to work up to those conversations, to look for those words.”

He said it was important not to flood students with information, or to push them to work through their emotions right away.

“I don’t think necessarily kids are looking for that magical phrase that will make all of this go away,” he said. “I think it’s knowing that it’s safe to share your confusion, safe to share your fear, safe to share what’s going on.”

Although social support will abound at Cossitt on Monday, and some kids will feel the physical loss of Delaney for the first time, Michowski also said he and other administrators have been talking about “not making everything be about Monday.”

“We don’t want to overwhelm (them),” he said. “These are going to be emotions that these kids will wrestle with for weeks, months, years. It’s not just about Monday.”

Michowski said that while he hasn’t been able to know each and every student at the school yet, he feels lucky to have had many interactions with Delaney — “never because she was in trouble," he noted with a laugh.

“I had the chance to connect with her,” he said. “That was a gift for sure.”

A community vigil took place in Delaney’s honor Jan. 2. A wake will be held Jan. 6 from 3-9 p.m. at St. John of the Cross Church in Western Springs, and visitation and a funeral mass will follow on Jan. 7 from 9-11:30 a.m. at the same church. Delaney’s family is requesting privacy during this mourning period.

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