'Unforgettable' Act Of Compassion Unites Football Coaches In Wake Of Family's Loss

MANCHESTER, NJ — High school football is usually viewed through the lens of wins and losses, of physical strength, displays of athleticism and competitive spirit.

It's easy to forget sometimes that high school football — and youth sports in general — are about so much more.

"Sport brings us together," said Kyle Sandberg, head football coach at Toms River High School East. On Thursday night, he did just that at Manchester Township High School, where his team was taking on the Hawks coached by Tommy Farrell Jr., whose family suffered the devastating loss of their second child.

It was a moment Farrell was not expecting, but one he says he and his wife, Sophie, will remember always, as Sandberg had his team take a delay-of-game penalty on their first play to honor the memory of Reagan, who died Aug. 19, 21 weeks into Sophie's pregnancy.

It was a "tremendous act of sportsmanship and humanity," Farrell said in an email on Friday to media outlets and multiple organizations, including the Shore Conference and the NJSIAA. "It has been an incredibly difficult time for my family, but the compassion shown by Coach Kyle Sandberg and his team is something I will never forget."

"It was just the right thing to do," Sandberg said Friday night. "It’s showing respect to him and the game."

The delay-of-game penalty wasn't the only way the Raiders paid tribute. Sandberg had his players take off their helmets before the game and raise them in the air, as the stadium had a moment of silence to honor the Farrells' loss.

It had been a difficult journey, Farrell said. He had missed time with the football team to support Sophie and care for their daughter, Keira, because of complications with the pregnancy before Reagan's death. He returned to the team on Aug. 23 for the scrimmage against Raritan, four days after Reagan's death. Just as he did, the family was dealt another blow, as their beloved dog Pinot died of complications from epilepsy.

"I can't imagine what that's like for anyone," Sandberg said of the death of Reagan. He and his wife, Brianne, have two sons, ages 7 and 3, and their older son suffered numerous seizures from the age of 1 until he was 5 years old, which was very stressful for the family.

"As a parent, it's hard," he said, adding they could relate to the fact that they had no control over what was happening to their son. "You don’t ever want to go through it."

"And then his dog died, too," Sandberg said. He called Farrell to check in a few days before their scheduled game.

"He said, 'I want to hear on the phone that you and your wife are doing OK,' " Farrell said, and didn't discuss football until after they had talked about what the Farrells had been through.

"Once I talked to him, I knew I was doing it right away," Sandberg said of the delay-of-game penalty.

When they arrived at Manchester, Sandberg said he told the head official his plan, which was to hold his center off the field and put 10 players on the field for the first play when Toms River East had the ball. In the locker room he told his staff, his quarterback and the team's center what they were going to do.

"I didn't know they were doing the moment of silence," Sandberg said. "That made it even better."

After Manchester kicked off to Toms River East and the Raiders got ready for their first play, Sandberg set his plan in motion.

Farrell admitted he was mystified by seeing the Toms East offense standing around in a simple formation but not snapping the ball.

"I was yelling at the ref, 'Why aren’t we starting the game?' " Farrell said. "He said, I can't tell you, but you'll see why in about 10 seconds. You'll have to wait."

"I’m watching Tommy starting to freak out, saying what’s going on," Sandberg said.

"What do you mean wait, they gotta snap the ball!" Sandberg said Farrell told him later.

The head referee tossed his penalty flag in the air, calling the delay of game, and as Sandberg took off his headset and waved, Farrell understood.

"You saw him change from head coach Tom to father Tom," Sandberg said, then Farrell ran over to where his wife and his father, Tom Farrell Sr., were standing and told them what had happened.

"I was so caught up in the adrenaline of the start of the game I didn't know how to react," Farrell said, but quickly realized he needed to decline the penalty, which would have cost the Raiders 5 yards.

On the next play, Toms River East scored on a 70-yard pass.

"We didn't execute at all, but I think it was the football gods' way of rewarding them for doing what's right," Farrell said with a chuckle.

Toms River East won the game 22-6, a tough start in a new division for the Hawks, but Farrell said the support he felt from his team and the Manchester community was tremendous.

"Head coaches are supposed to pick their players up," Farrell said, "but the kids were picking me up."

Sandberg said that while the win was nice, it was secondary to the mission to demonstrate compassion and remind everyone — especially his players — what really matters: humanity and kindness.

"It's a game and everyone wants to win. But that’s our job, to be good people of good character," Sandberg said.

Farrell said Sandberg called him again on Friday to check in after the game and see how he was doing after the emotional night, and he told Sandberg he was going to be letting people know about the acts of kindness from Toms River East at the game.

"I didn't do it for the attention," Sandberg said. What meant far more to him was the impact it had on the Farrells.

"He told me he overheard his wife talking about it (what happened at the game) with her girlfriends," Sandberg said, and that Sophie Farrell said it made her smile.

"I said, 'You have people who support you guys, not just in Manchester but in Toms River, too,' " Sandberg said.

"That moment will be something my wife and I will never forget," Farrell said, choking up as he spoke. "Coach Sandberg has been a friend of mine and a mentor. He's always been a class act and he leads by example."

Farrell said the delay-of-game wasn't the only action that had an impact; the Toms River East players came up to him before the game and shook his hand, and after the game, shook it again and hugged him — after Sandberg had explained to East's players what had happened to the Farrells.

"These are gestures that go far beyond the game of football — they are reminders of what true character, empathy, and sportsmanship look like," Farrell wrote in his email, adding Sandberg "exemplifies what it means to be a gentleman in 2025, when so much of the world can feel dominated by clicks and attention-seeking."

"We forget why we’re really here – to be better people, to be that example of doing the right thing," Sandberg said. "This is bigger than the game. It was just showing care for a colleague and a friend who’s going through the most unimaginable thing."

"It just felt like the right thing to do," he said.