Newark Among Worst US Cities If Zombie Apocalypse Happens: Report

NEWARK, NJ — Despite having one of the busiest port systems in the United States – a crucial factor for surviving a zombie apocalypse – New Jersey’s largest city, Newark, would be one of the nation’s worst to find yourself in if a crisis of undead proportions arises, a report claims.

Last week, Lawn Love released a tongue-in-cheek analysis of “2022’s Best Cities for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.” The study ranked the 200 largest U.S. cities in 26 key areas of zombie invasion-preparedness, including how many people are in poor health, and how many have access to “bunkers,” hunting-gear stores and supermarkets.

Newark came in at the ninth-least prepared city, even although it’s home to Port Newark, where about a third of all containers on the east coast of North America pass through.

“Our data shows it’s much harder to stay mobile in inland cities, especially those that are landlocked,” the analysis says.

Another New Jersey city – Paterson – ranked as the fifth-least prepared place in the U.S., scoring low marks for “highest share of population in bad health” and “fewest supermarkets per 100,000 residents.” Read More: NJ Has 1.5 Million People Living In 'Food Deserts,' Officials Say

Jersey City came in at 190 among the 200 cities, just behind Newark.

The cities most prepared for a zombie outbreak include Honolulu (third-most prepared), Salt Lake City (second-most prepared) and Orlando – which is “almost immune to zombies,” researchers said. See the full list here.

Lawn Love noted that its list was inspired by the now-retired CDC “Zombie Preparedness 101” guide, another tongue-in-cheek study that was so unexpectedly popular, it temporarily crashed the federal agency's website in 2011.

The CDC launched its zombie campaign with the aim of teaching people how to survive real emergencies, in addition to a fictitious undead outbreak. Tips included having emergency kits in your home, forming common emergency plans for family and friends, and having an evacuation route at the ready.

The CDC isn’t the only federal agency that has used zombies as a creative way to test out real-world emergency planning. In 2009, trainees with the U.S. Department of Defense drafted CONPLAN 8888, a strategy to help the U.S. military deal with a possible zombie outbreak. Intended to teach junior military officers how to plan for a national emergency without revealing any classified information or creating a political misunderstanding if mistakenly leaked, CONPLAN 888 proved to be a surprisingly useful training tool, a disclaimer in the declassified document says.

According to The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks – a cited reference source in CONPLAN 8888 - the best places to outlast a zombie outbreak aren't necessarily the ones that you'd seek in other survival situations such as an earthquake or a hurricane.

People should ask themselves the following questions when choosing a place to survive an undead onslaught, according to Brooks:

• Is there a wall, fence, or other physical perimeter?
• How many potential entrances/exits are there?
• Can the people in your party simultaneously defend each fence and exit?
• Is there a secondary defensive position, multiple floors or an attic?
• Can the building be secured?
• Is there a potential escape route?
• What is the supply situation?
• Is there a water line?
• If needed, are weapons or tools available?
• Are materials available to reinforce the entrances?
• What about means of communication: phone, radio, Internet, etc.?
• Given all these factors, how long could you or your group survive an extended siege?

Some of the book’s highest-rated locations include military complexes, prisons, offshore oil rigs, schools and warehouses.

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