It's Too Cold For Crimes, Morris Co. Police Department Warns

ROXBURY, NJ — Let's state the obvious: it's cold out today. Really, really, cold out. So cold, in fact, that Roxbury Township police are asking you to please not commit any crimes Wednesday night.

"Bad Guys: Please do not think of doing anything stupid tonight. It's too cold. Period," Roxbury Township police wrote in a Facebook post around 1:35 p.m., when the temperature felt like a relatively warm 14 degrees. By night, the real feel temperature is expected to dip as low as minus 22.

"If we are called out in this because of your shenanigans, we know what you are and you'll be dealt with accordingly. We budgeted for Dragonglass and Valyrian steel.... Google it," they said, referencing two magical items from the Game Of Thrones series that can kill the "White Walker" monsters that live in the wintry part of the land.

Please don't speed, police joked, because it'll be so cold that the ink in their pens will freeze, and they won't be able to even write the ticket. "We actually don't know that, but it sounded good," police added (roads are expected to be icy tonight, so, like always, speeding should be avoided).

And on a more serious note, police said they will not tolerate finding any pets outside in the sub-zero temperatures.

"Also if we get a call that your pet is out in this weather... you're a person with no soul and we have a statute for that," police said.

Image: A NYPD police car covered in snow, via Simone Wilson/Patch