Take a Tour

This past month concluded the last of the overnight college tours.

I'm happy they're done because they tax even this mama's A type personality.

I'm so sad they're done because I've had some of the best conversations of my life with my son.

I'm proud I was able to summon my inner DC driving girl and make it to two hotels in two cities, figure out where to stand for Uber to pick us up multiple times, and remembered how to pump my own gas.

Twice.

As I looked at my son 's excited and hopeful face, I remember that sixteen years ago I never thought we'd have a conversation, much less that I'd get to take either of my kids on such an adventure.

Sixteen years ago I watched in horror as over a span of three weeks my speaking child with un unquenchable spark was rendered a “shadow child”, mute, unresponsive, unwilling to be held.

I had known we had to wait until he was two to see if autism would surface, but his older brother had shown signs from birth, and our youngest hadn’t.

I was not complacent. I knew two kids with the same biological parents could have two different types of autism.

I was told by experts it was unlikely.

Sometimes the experts are wrong.

I had never watched his older brother fade away.

Witnessing this happen to my youngest, watching him suffer, gutted me.

Yet within months, the words began to return.

Within months, the cuddles came back.

Within months, the spark resurfaced.

A different child, yes.

But also, thankfully, a once again happy, responsive, joy-filled one.

I will never know why his life trajectory turned out this way, and did not for his brother.

Autism doesn’t easily relinquish its answers.

When I dreamed of becoming a mom during the arduous IVF days, I envisioned these trips.

For once my dreams came true.

Never say never when it comes to life's twists and turns.

Love him and his brother to the moon and back.

For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com

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