Gabby Petito's Mom Urges Domestic Violence, Red Flag Awareness In Long Island-Based Forum

RONKONKOMA, NY — Nichole Schmidt, the mother of slain Long Islander Gabby Petito, urged the importance of domestic violence awareness education and knowing what the red flags are during the inaugural Every1KnowsSome1 Virtual Conference on Thursday morning.

"I didn't know them," she told a group of healthcare providers, advocates, educators, law enforcement personnel, and victims at the Crime Victims Center-sponsored forum. "I would have never expected this to happen."

In August 2021, weeks following the aftermath of a domestic dispute with her fiancé, Brian Laundrie, and filmed by police bodycam in Utah, the 23-year-old Petito disappeared, sparking a massive search across several states.

She was later found strangled to death in a Wyoming park.

A notebook found near the remains of Laundrie, who killed himself, contained an admission of guilt that he killed her.

People should be more mindful of the red flags that signal domestic violence, Schmidt explained.

"It's something that we all need to be more attuned to," she said. "I think with all the resources out there, you can go online, into school, and learn the red flags. You can help someone by learning these things."

"Because it's going to be someone you don't expect, so educate yourself," she said. "And that is really important."

Schmidt, who co-founded The Gabby Petito Foundation to advocate for families of missing persons and also domestic violence victims, said it's also important to know that telling someone to leave is not the answer nor is asking the question, "Why do you stay?"

"I hate that question," she said, shaking her head.

"It's important to have a safety plan and that is why it is important to work with agencies and get yourself to a place where it's safe to leave because that is the most dangerous time for [victims] to leave because that is when these domestic violence murders usually happen."

Schmidt pointed to statistics to make her case.

Crime Victim's Center's executive director, Laura Ahearn, said one in four women in the United States have experienced domestic violence in their lifetime. Twenty people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner, amounting to 10 million women and men. Sixty-five percent of all murder-suicides are perpetrated by intimate partners, and 96 percent of murder-suicide victims are women.

"Abusers access to firearms increases the risk of intimate partner femicide by at least five-fold when firearms have been used in the most severe abuse incidents," Ahearn said.

Schmidt credited the Crime Victims Center trauma-informed support counseling for helping her through the last year, something she says she would not have gotten through without them.

"And, I am just the family member of a victim," she said. "So, what you do for survivors is even more. I am sure you treat everyone with dignity and respect, and I really appreciate that."

Ahearn credited Schmidt for sharing her experience and continuing to speak out despite "how painful it is and what your family has been through."

"The work you are doing now is absolutely phenomenal," she said. "If you are in it, people are listening and taking this tremendous tragedy that your family experienced, and turning it into advocacy is making a difference for so many people. "

Schmidt said that she feels that it is really her daughter who is "saving lives."

"I'm just working. Like you said, 'She's working through me,'" she said, adding, "So, it's her doing all of this."

Ahearn said she and her colleagues always feel Petito's presence.

"We're with you on that for sure," she said.

Suffolk Legis. Trish Bergin, a former reporter who extensively covered Ahearn's organization from its infancy, offered her condolences to Schmidt, "over the death of your beautiful young girl."

"You know, all eyes, when a tragedy happens like that, unfortunately, are on you," she said. "But it's amazing that you're using all of that national and international attention to make a difference in the lives of other young girls who may be domestic violence victims."

Bergin called the Crime Victim's Center an asset to Suffolk for the work that it does and the county is now "a much better place for the victims of domestic violence."

County Executive Steve Bellone, who has worked with Ahearn on a number of initiatives such as the sex offender registry, told Schmidt that he was so sorry for "the loss of her beautiful daughter."

Bellone said he is working with District Attorney Ray Tierney, Police Commissioner Rodney Harrison, and Sheriff Errol Toulon to make domestic violence advocacy a priority.

"This is of the highest importance to us in this government that we are all protecting victims that we are working to do everything we can to eliminate the scourge of domestic violence," he said. "In our community, which is devastating on so many levels, and we need those domestic violence advocacy organizations."

"We need you doing what you do out there to make sure we're doing the best that we can do," he said.

Also at the conference:

Attorney Abbey Marr, of the state's Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, noted how the state has been making strides with a 24/7 hotline and a new advisory council that deals with survivors and others dealing with gender-based violence who also have developmental disabilities.

"One thing we have been working quite hard on over the last year is to change how we can approach domestic and gender-based violence in the state workforce, which we know is very large," she said. "And so how we equip our own employees across the state and our own agencies across the state to support our employees who are experiencing gender-based violence and their safety."

She went on to say that the Domestic Violence Awareness Fund just marked its 3oth anniversary and a documentary will be released about it in early December.

She also said the office recently worked with the Department of Motor Vehicles to create "End Domestic Violence" license plates which were launched earlier in October in celebration of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The office plans to have an area outside of the Syracuse University football game during the coming weekend to get the word out about how residents can "be better bystanders and allies in the fight against sexual and gender-based violence," she said.

Marr said the state is also working to transform the Service Delivery System to be more survivor-centered, trauma-informed, and culturally-responsive.

"But really what we are trying to think about is how do we meet survivors where they are understanding that everyone's experience is really different and not to interrupt and to end and to prevent gender-based violence," she said. "We have to trust survivors to know what they need to trust people."

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