Donald Trump's First Day As Nominee: Conspiracy Theories, Ted-Trashing, Twitter Stats

In case you were still entertaining thoughts that Donald Trump would pivot from the fiery, unscripted brand of campaigning that defined his primary season, the newly minted Republican nominee held a news conference Friday that should clear that up.

Not 12 hours after he accepted the GOP presidential nomination, Trump turned what was supposed to be a short breakfast to thank donors and convention organizers into one of his signature rambles, touching on Ted Cruz, Cruz's dad's connection to the JFK assassination, the National Enquirer's credibility, his social media stats, convention ratings and more.

Instead of breaking out new material, Trump decided to play some of his greatest hits.

Here are some of the highlights:

Trump doesn't need Ted Cruz's endorsement

To show the world that he wasn't, actually, bothered by Cruz's epic convention snub, Trump went on a winding rant about the Texas senator's future political prospects. "Honestly, he may have ruined his political career," Trump said.

Trump also defended retweeting an unflattering photo of Cruz's wife, Heidi, next to a picture of Trump's former model wife.

More conspiracy theories

Trump wasn't finished with Cruz. Remember a few months ago when Trump suggested that Cruz's father was complicit in the assassination of John F. Kennedy because of a blurry photo in a tabloid magazine? It was truly one of the most bizarre moments of the campaign so far in a political season full of them.

Well, Trump decided to go back there again.

“All I did is point out the fact that on the cover of the National Enquirer there was a picture of him and crazy Lee Harvey Oswald having breakfast," Trump said.

Then he said the Enquirer "does have credibility." (This is a magazine that has suggested Hillary Clinton has at least four lesbian lovers.)

Talkin' Twitter

Before Trump brought up his vice presidential candidate, Mike Pence, Trump had to address a more important topic: his social media statistics.

Saying, "People are asking, 'What's Facebook? What's Twitter?'" Trump introduced social media director Dan Scavino, the man responsible for lifting images from white supremacy sites and blasting them out to Trump's millions of followers.

Scavino then informed America that, "Twitter and Facebook blew up last night."

Convention Ratings

Because the only metrics that truly seem to matter to Trump are TV ratings, Trump of course boasted about the "through the roof" numbers from the convention.

In fact, through the first three nights, ratings were lower across the major networks than they were for Mitt Romney's coronation in 2012.

Poor Mike Pence

Pence spent much of Trump's free-association spiel doing his best Chris Christie impression — standing behind Trump with that wide-eyed, oh-god-what-have-I-done look on his face.

Stay strong, man. You've only got three and a half more months of this.