Eight is Enough

Written by Mischa Arnosky 

I’m not in the market for a $100K-plus German sedan, and that’s for a lot of reasons. The money thing is probably toward the top of the list — it’s hard to justify spending the equivalent of the GDP of an under-developed country on, you know … a car — and also, I don’t have $100,000.

But if I were in the market for a luxo-barge to haul me and my nicely-pressed white shirt to work and back, I’d like to think that I’d be responsible in my decision making.

Of course, I’m going to need something wearing either a roundel, a three-pointed star or intertwining circles … just so the neighbors know that their reliable Honda isn’t quite up to snuff. Also, I’m going to need the biggest, most powerful engine available — any badging that says “V-12” is a bonus.

If you’re dropping six figures on a car, why not up the ante? Go find that extra $50K in your couch cushion and buy the most powerful version of the car available! (You’ve earned it, buddy.)

Here’s the thing. It doesn’t make sense to do that anymore.

When it comes to ridiculously large, fast German luxury cars, three cars come to mind: Audi’s A8/S8; BMW’s 7 Series; and Mercedes-Benz’s S-Class. The Audi and BMW can come equipped with either a 6-, 8- or 12-cylinder engine; M-B asks customers to choose between a couple of V-8s or a V-12. All of the engines that can be stuffed into these cars’ engine bays are force-fed, by the way.

The amount of power in these three models ranges from 315hp in the BMW 740i to 621hp in the Mercedes-Benz S65 — more power than most people (other than Jason Statham) would ever need. But, the most powerful car isn’t always the quickest.

The S65 AMG might make 44 more horsepower than the V-8 in its S63 counterpart, but it’s three-tenths of a second slower to 60, clocking in at a sloth-like 4.2 seconds. 

Audi’s S8 makes due with a 4.0-liter 520hp twin-turbocharged V-8, which scoots the car to 60 in 3.6 seconds and trips the quarter-mile in just under 12 seconds. The base price? Just under $113,000. Or … you could spend $23,000 more and get a V-12-powered A8 … which has 20 fewer horsepower, about 20 lb-feet less torque, is heavier and is both slower to 60 and in the quarter. 

What a deal. It had better come with some V-12 stickers or some flame decals or something. 

BMW’s 5000-pound 760Li is powered by a 6.0-liter, twin-turbo V-12, which puts out 535hp and 553 lb-feet of torque. But, its lighter cousin, the 750Li, manages similar acceleration times with its 445hp twin-turbocharged V-8.

Yes, the monster V-12 Bimmer is three-tenths of a second faster to 60 than the 750Li … but it costs the equivalent of a BMW 528i more.

A luxury car more. 

And, not like anyone looking to spend more than six figures on a car is thinking about fuel economy, but it’s worth noting that each of the “underpowered” cars listed here has better city, highway and combined fuel economy numbers than its respective V-12 brother.

So … who is buying these V-12-powered cars? More importantly, how do you justify buying one when talking with your neighbor?

“Just bought me the most powerful S-Class available. Yep … more than 600 horsepower buddy.”

“But didn’t you lose ‘Gran Prix du Stoplight’ to that cheaper, less powerful S63 AMG?”

“Yeah, but … I’ve got the biggest engine, so there’s that.”