Community Corner
10 Things You Should Know About Proper Funeral Etiquette
From what to wear to when you should arrive, here are answers to the most commonly asked questions about attending a funeral.
Attending a funeral is one of the most meaningful ways to honor and celebrate the life of a well-loved family member or friend. Paying your respects in person expresses kindness and compassion to those experiencing loss. Maintaining proper etiquette ensures you are sensitive to others’ feelings and your presence is welcome and supportive.
If you’ve ever felt uncertain about what to wear or what to say at a funeral service, you’re not alone. Below you’ll find the answers to 10 commonly asked funeral questions. Patch readers who wish to send their condolences with flowers (or would like to purchase a floral arrangement for any occasion) get 15 percent off FTD Flowers retail price. The discount is automatically applied at checkout.
1. What Do I Wear?
While wearing black is not required for all funerals, dressing conservatively is encouraged. You should avoid bright colors and patterns so your appearance is dignified and shows respect for those who are mourning.
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2. What Do I Say?
A funeral is a challenging time for those experiencing the loss of a loved one, so the best thing you can do is keep your sentiments simple. Statements such as “I’m sorry for your loss” or “my thoughts are with you” are thoughtful and concise. Telling someone in mourning, “I know this must be hard for you” will let them know you’re thinking about them and understand the pain they are feeling.
3. When Should I Arrive?
You should plan to arrive about 10-20 minutes before the start of the service. This time frame will allow you a few minutes to connect with other attendees and find a place to sit. If you arrive late, it’s best to avoid walking down the center aisle and interrupting the service. Instead, you should walk down a side aisle and find a seat near the back.
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4. Where Should I Sit?
During a funeral service, the first and second rows are reserved for close family and friends of the deceased. Others in attendance are welcome to sit in the remaining rows. Once the service has started, remain seated until the end.
5. Can I Bring My Children?
While it is acceptable to bring children to a funeral, especially if they were close to the person who died, you should consider whether they will be well-behaved during the service. Toddlers and babies may require more attention and may not allow you to be fully present. It may be a better option to leave younger children with a babysitter.
6. What If I Have A Different Faith?
Your faith should not keep you from attending a funeral service. You do not need to participate in unfamiliar religious practices — or recite prayers — if they are not aligned with your beliefs. Attending a funeral is a show of respect for the person being remembered and can be done while being fully present and listening to the ceremony.
7. Should I Bring A Gift?
A bouquet of sympathy flowers is a thoughtful way to express condolences for the grieving family. Whether you bring a floral arrangement or have a florist send them in advance, the family will welcome the gift. You may also wish to send flowers or a gift basket to the family’s home after the service. Offering a home-cooked meal for the family or spouse is a kind gesture and helpful at such a challenging time.
8. Can I Use My Smartphone?
During the service, you should silence your phone’s ringer or set your phone to "do not disturb." Phone use may be viewed as an invasion of privacy and disrespectful toward those who are grieving. If you must send a text or take a phone call, please do so outside. Taking photos is also inappropriate unless you have asked the family for permission.
9. What Do I Do At A Graveside Service?
If the service is held at the gravesite, you will want to be aware of your surroundings and avoid walking on other graves or touching nearby memorial stones. If seats are available, those are reserved solely for the immediate family and close relatives. You will want to find a place to stand behind the family. Also, as with any funeral service, you should dress conservatively and remove hats during the service to show respect.
10. What Is The Difference Between A Funeral And A Memorial?
Funerals and memorial services are held to honor a person’s life. Both options provide family and friends a way to pay their respects.
A funeral service takes place when the body of the person who has died is present; it can be an open or closed casket. A memorial service, on the other hand, is held without the body present and tends to be less formal than a funeral. They are sometimes held at churches or other gathering places, such as an event hall.
Sending sympathy flowers is a considerate way to help comfort those who are grieving. Below are some tasteful options from FTD Flowers, as well as insight into what each flower symbolizes.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Beyond Blue Bouquet — Lilies are a symbol of sympathy, majesty and purity. The Beyond Blue Bouquet is designed with pops of bold color blended with billowing white blooms displayed in a clear vase. This bouquet sends a message of care and devotion while honoring the memory of a close friend or family member.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Hope & Serenity Bouquet — Roses symbolize love, courage and respect. Send a comforting message to those who are mourning with this bouquet composed of yellow roses, lilies and alstroemeria.
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Photo credit: FTD.com
Ivory Elegance Floral Basket — Gladiolus, one of the most popular types of sympathy flowers, are a symbol of character, sincerity and integrity. The Ivory Elegance Floral Basket is filled with gladiolus as well as stunning white lilies, roses, carnations and baby’s breath.
Photo credit: FTD.com
15 Stem Multicolored Tulip Bouquet — Bold, beautiful tulips symbolize love, confidence and rebirth. This vibrant bouquet of multicolored tulips will signify the deep affection you felt for a cherished friend or loved one.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Heartfelt Condolences Basket — When you want to show your deepest sympathy and express your love, this arrangement makes a comforting display. Handcrafted and artfully arranged with a variety of blooms including white roses, stock, larkspur and cushion pompons, it is a wonderful way to honor a life well lived.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Bliss White Orchid — A delicate beauty, the orchid symbolizes admiration, reverence and innocence. The Phalaenopsis orchid is a thoughtful sympathy gift for a plant lover. It’s easy to care for and serves as a lovely reminder of your deep regard for a close friend or relative.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Clear Skies Bouquet — The hydrangea is a symbol of heartfelt emotion and understanding. Those sentiments are expressed in the beauty of the Clear Skies Bouquet. A mix of voluminous hydrangea blooms and vibrant belladonna delphinium will help brighten the mood of a grieving friend or family member.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Beautiful Spirit Basket — Because they are symbols of admiration, love and remembrance for the departed, carnations are a popular addition to sympathy bouquets. Filled with carnations, stock and Fuji mums inside a beautifully crafted basket, the Beautiful Spirit basket is a sweet reminder of your love and support.
Photo credit: FTD.com
Comfort Planter — The peace lily is a symbol of innocence and rebirth. The white ceramic planter holds an 8-inch peace lily plant with tear-shaped flowers and dark green foliage. Whether the Comfort Planter is given to a friend or family member, it will serve as a thoughtful reminder of a loved one.
