Behold My New Nemesis: Oreos, Pink Party in West Hartford, Computer U

Good morning, West Hartford! Today is Thursday, Oct. 3, 2013; there are 90 days left in the year.

A little while back, I went on a rant about how there are more kinds of Doritos than there are apples at the supermarket.

Well, I have another one for you. Oreos. My wife sent me to the store yesterday to get cookies for the kids’ lunches, and I was met with nothing short of the Implacable Wall of Doom(™).

Time was when a man could go to the store and the only options he had for Oreos was the regular chocolate wafers and vanilla cream or the straight up vanilla kind. Later, because America hadn’t reached a high enough level of obesity, Nabisco introduced Double Stuf Oreos, which had twice as much, uh, cream(?) or cream-like substance(™). (They intentionally misspelled Stuf because “Stuff” would imply that it is made of real stuff.)

Anyway, my childhood has been completely obliterated in light of what I saw at the grocery store.

Now there are innumerable flavors of Oreos, each one more flummoxing than the next. Oreos stuffed with mint. Oreos stuffed with pumpkin cream-like substance (tm). Chocolate Oreos. Peanut Butter Oreos. Reverse Oreos with vanilla wafers and chocolate cream-like substance(™).

Perhaps the grossest of them all? Banana Split Oreos.

What the Double Stuf fudge is that?

I’m waiting for Liver & Onions Oreos next. Why the hell not? They actually have a Birthday Cake Oreo (ick).

Anyway, after a few moments in the aisle, I couldn’t take it any longer. I decided to make my life easier and made my way to the Doritos. Fewer choices, it turned out.

Oh, and bring back 3D Doritos.

Here’s your Daily 5:

1. Blue Back Square is hosting the second-annual Pink Party tonight at 5:30 p.m.

2. Computer U at the Noah Webster House at 10:15 a.m.

3. Alzheimer’s Caregiver Support Group at Hebrew Home at 3:15 p.m.

4. Historian Daniel Sterner recalls the 'lost face' of downtown Hartford in a nostalgic exploration of Hartford's structural evolution at the Noah Webster House at 6:30 p.m.