When the Holidays Hurt: How High-Conflict Co-Parents Exploit Holiday Parenting Time—and the Courts That Allow

For many parents, holidays are a time of joy, tradition, and family connection. But for families navigating high-conflict custody dynamics, these same holidays can become annual stress tests—not because of the children, but because of manipulative co-parenting behaviors that go unchecked by the very courts meant to uphold fairness and consistency.

In our family, this pattern has repeated itself across multiple holidays, despite a clearly defined parenting schedule issued by the court. What we’ve learned through years of experience is this:

Even with a court order in place, access to your children during holidays can still come down to who is willing—or able—to fight harder and spend more.

Father’s Day: When a Celebration Requires a Court Hearing

One of the most striking examples occurred for Father’s Day. The parenting plan clearly states that the children should be with their father on Father’s Day—a basic and meaningful provision.

Yet, year after year, we encountered resistance. The other parent would find ways to challenge or diminish the father’s time:

• Declaring last-minute out-of-town travel
• Arguing that Monday morning transitions would disrupt the children’s week
• Insisting that he could have “a few hours,” but not the full day

As the system would have it, this escalated further. The only way to ensure that my husband could spend Father’s Day with his children—his legal right—was to file an emergency motion in court.

That motion came with:

• Additional legal fees
• Time off work for court appearances
• Emotional strain on the entire family

All just to uphold something that was already decided. And notably, no consequences were issued to the parent attempting to override the order.

Birthday Time Undermined

The parenting plan also provides the father time with his children on his birthday. This, too, has become a point of contention. Last-minute changes to the children’s schedules, refusal to coordinate transportation, and “forgotten” communications are frequent tactics that disrupt this designated time.

Again, enforcement is left up to us. And each time we try to hold the other parent accountable, we face more paperwork, more attorney fees, and more time away from actually enjoying the time that’s being disputed.

The Inconsistency of Holiday Weekends: Memorial Day vs. Labor Day

Holiday weekends are often treated inconsistently—even when the parenting plan is clear.

This past Memorial Day Weekend, the holiday fell on a Monday and belonged to the other parent. As a result, my husband not only lost his regularly scheduled weekend, but also his typical Monday evening parenting time. We accepted that—because that’s how the order reads. A holiday overrides regular parenting time.

Then came Labor Day Weekend, which was both my husband’s regular weekend and his holiday. Following the same logic as Memorial Day, this should have included the full three-day weekend—from Friday to Tuesday at 9 a.m. or until the start of school, as stated in the parenting plan.

But that’s not what happened.

First, the other parent claimed he should return the children Sunday evening. Then, she changed it to Monday evening, refusing to acknowledge the overnight provision. Despite clear holiday language in the order, she disputed it, messaged daily to disrupt the weekend, and ultimately called the police—who confirmed they could not intervene in a civil custody matter.

It’s important to note that this same parent has a documented history of withholding over 78 days of court-ordered parenting time—yet has faced no enforcement consequences to date.

Why This Matters: The Emotional and Financial Toll of Non-Enforcement

Parents trying to follow court orders shouldn't be forced to file emergency motions just to see their children on holidays, birthdays, or scheduled weekends. But that’s the reality for many families:

• Legal Fees: Filing a single motion can cost hundreds or thousands of dollars.
• Lost Income: Parents often miss work to attend hearings.
• Disrupted Parenting Time: Constant messaging, threats, and interference add stress to what should be peaceful time.
• No Accountability: Even with proof of repeated violations, the courts rarely impose financial penalties or compensatory time.

The result? One parent is forced to spend more money, more time, and more energy just to exercise rights they already have—while the other parent learns there are no real consequences for ignoring the court’s orders.

What Needs to Change: Practical Solutions for Holiday Interference

This issue isn’t just personal—it’s structural. And change is possible. Based on our experiences, here are key reforms that would make a difference:

1. Automatic Enforcement for Holiday Orders

Holiday parenting time should not require court interpretation. Violations should trigger immediate consequences, such as fines or make-up time.

2. Emergency Hearing Mechanism for Time-Sensitive Violations

Courts must offer real-time enforcement options for urgent matters, especially during holidays and birthdays when delays make the relief meaningless.

3. Legal Fee Reimbursement for Proven Violations

If a parent is found in contempt for interfering with court-ordered time, they should be responsible for the other parent’s legal expenses. This would reduce frivolous resistance.

4. Communication Boundaries During Parenting Time

Many parenting agreements already prohibit excessive messaging during the other parent’s time. Courts should enforce those clauses consistently to prevent harassment and emotional disruption.

5. Tracking Repeat Offenders

Parents who repeatedly violate court orders—especially on holidays—should be flagged for review. Patterns of interference should be treated seriously, not as isolated misunderstandings.

Conclusion: Let Holidays Be What They’re Meant to Be

Holidays should be a time of connection, not conflict. But when toxic co-parents manipulate the schedule and the courts fail to intervene, the emotional cost falls on children—and the financial burden falls on the parent trying to do the right thing.

No parent should have to file an emergency motion to see their child on Father’s Day.
No parent should have to debate the meaning of “Labor Day Weekend.”
No parent should be forced to choose between paying legal fees or spending quality time with their children.

The law must mean something. And for that to happen, courts must do more than issue orders—they must enforce them.

Until they do, parents like us will continue to lose time, money, and trust in a system that claims to protect the best interests of children, but too often protects the status quo instead.

Would you like this formatted for publication as a blog, newsletter, or opinion piece? I can also help create a brief legal resource checklist for parents navigating similar holiday issues.