Columnist Betsy Hart, Village Resident, Talks New Book on 'Love, Loss and Marriage'

Betsy Hart moved to Western Springs in the fall of 2004 during one of the toughest moments of her life—a time of adversity from which she has drawn some of her greatest strength and success.

At the time, Hart, a former Reagan White House press staffer, now a conservative commentator and a syndicated columnist for Scripps-Howard, mostly wrote about her life and four kids. But after a surprise and unwanted separation and divorce from her husband, and her move to the Village, her focus began to shift to topics about love, marriage, courtship, divorce and gender relations—and her columns’ popularity soared.

Hart has now collected, revised and published a number of these columns in her second and newest book, From the Hart (subtitled A Collection of Favorite Columns on Love, Loss and Marriage [and Other Extreme Sports]). Drawing from her personal experiences with marriage, dating, divorce, single motherhood and rebuilding romance, along with her evangelical Christian faith, Hart lays out a self-described “countercultural” case for the value of committed marriage—and how modern society tends to get it all wrong.

“Today when it comes to romance, so many women ask for too much but settle for too little,” said Hart, who has raised her kids as a single mom in Western Springs for the past eight years. “Women are both asking for too much, asking guys to be something they’re not, but they’re settling for too little, these long-term social relationships without the expectation of marriage.”

A major theme of From the Hart—named after Hart’s column—is the institution of traditional marriage as a societal good, providing lifelong security for women, men and children alike. Another is that there are intrinsic differences between men and women—that each needs the other, but also needs to accept those differences.

Firmly socially conservative, the book advises against a modern dating culture that emphasizes romance for its own sake rather than as a precursor to a steady (and romantic) marriage. Hart sees that same culture as damaging to marriages that exist, rendering them meaningless and disposable and neutralizing that “till death do us part.”

In today’s society, “we tend to think marriage is about being happy in the moment,” Hart said. “We don’t think in terms of marriage being a contract and a covenant that gets us through those moments when we’re not so happy, and maybe there’s a purpose for that, too.

“We’ve come to rethink what marriage is—it become very throwaway, ‘if it works I’m here and if not, I’m not,’ and I think that you lose a lot of opportunities for growth and challenge and service when you think about it that way.”

Then there’s the opposite, divorce, which Hart tackles from several angles—stressing its damaging effects and need to be used only as an absolute last resort, but also drawing from her own experience to counsel those going through it. Another series of columns addresses the tragedy of infidelity, including stories of holding together marriages through incredibly trying circumstances of betrayal.

Hart’s own divorce, which she said came as a shock to her, was devastating at the time, but never dampened her belief in the sanctity of marriage and the importance of having that permanent connection with a spouse. Instead, she channeled what she learned from it into her writing, growing in her strength and conviction.

“I think it helps to face the damage that divorce is, and then say, but it doesn’t have to define me; I can really grow from this,” Hart said. “A cancer patient doesn’t say, ‘It’s fine to have cancer, it’s just a different form of health…’ But I’ve heard many cancer patients say that it shaped them for the better in a way nothing else could. So that’s how I look at my divorce.”

For one thing, it brought her to Western Springs, which she calls a “great, great spot” and where her kids have thrived in the public schools and with local institutions. Her celebrity as a parenting guru can lead to interesting moments in the Village, she laughed, like being praised in a conversation for her advice while her kids simultaneously bicker like crazy.

But more importantly, Hart can now stand as personal proof of her advice’s effectiveness, as her book ends with a triumph. This fall, she at last will get remarried—to her beloved fiancé, Tom, also a parent of four and a devout Christian—asking for love and commitment, finding it, and never settling for anything less.

From the Hart is available on Amazon. Betsy Hart is also the author of It Takes a Parent: How the Culture of Pushover Parenting is Hurting Our Kids and What to Do About It. Her website is betsysblog.com.