Mallory's Army Plans Bullying Prevention Month Events

MORRIS COUNTY, NJ — We hope you’ve noticed over the past year that we’ve been focusing on bullying and cyberbullying, a confounding national crisis that turns youths’ lives upside down with unimaginable angst and dread, sometimes with deadly consequences. With each story, we’ve heard poignant stories from Patch readers in New Jersey and others who were bullied and overcame it, but also many who continue to struggle with the damage done by bullies to their self-esteem.

Many common threads emerged in emails from our readers: Teachers and other educators have suggested everything from first-period decompression time to classroom contracts with students on how they’re expected to treat one another. But for all the readers who said schools need to do more to foster an anti-bullying culture, as many said parents should talk more with their kids about bullying and keep closer track on their social media habits.

And in a loud chorus, they said Americans need to stop wringing their hands and work at all levels to create a world safe from bullying.

That’s one of the purposes of National Bullying Prevention Month, observed annually during October to bring attention to the problem and involve people in Morris County and nationwide in a conversation on how to create a world safe from bullying.

MALLORY'S ARMY CONTINUES THE GOOD FIGHT

The issue of bullying really hit home in Morris County last year, when 12-year-old Mallory Grossman killed herself following what her parents have called horrific bullying. Parents Dianne and Seth Grossman have channeled their grief into advocacy, starting Mallory's Army, a organization that seeks to eradicate bullying through education, and hosts educational workshops for parents and educators.

Dianne Grossman has taught workshops to educate parents on anti-bullying and harassment rules in place at local schools, and has provided anti-bullying information to parents and educators. The organization has hosted informational booths at local carnivals, spoken in front of the New Jersey State Policeman's PBA, and advocated for more comprehensive anti-bullying laws.

• Read More: 1 Year Later, Mallory Grossman Lives On In Anti-Bullying Efforts
• Read More: 'Mallory's Army' Fights Back Against Bullying After 12-Year-Old's Sudden Death

"When Mallory died, we had two options. We could lay on the couch and cry, or we could do something to make a difference, and we chose to make a difference," older sister Carlee said while accepting an award from TLC in September. "We created Mallory's Army to spread the message that you are not alone, there are other kids like you, and it doesn't have to go as far as suicide for there to be change."

The group is hosting three educational opportunities and a benefit motorcycle ride during National Bullying Prevention Month. An Oct. 2 event is already sold out, but tickets are still available for an Oct. 9 event in Summit, and an Oct. 11 discussion in Montville.

A motorcycle ride and BBQ sponsored by Garden State Harley-Davidson is behind held on Oct. 20. Riders, passengers, and non-riders are all welcome to attend. Alex & Ani in Bridgewater are also donating a portion of proceeds from certain sales to Mallory's Army.

A PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE

Once viewed as a childhood “rite of passage” that toughened kids to handle the pressures of adulthood, bullying and its more insidious digital twin, cyberbullying, is seen by many experts as a major public health issue — on par with heart disease, cancer and diabetes — with devastating and often long-term effects like the loss of self-esteem, heightened anxiety and depression.

We've heard a lot of feedback from Morris County residents about what their children have experienced both in the hallways and online, and we always want to hear your stories. Have you, or your child, experienced bullying or cyberbullying, have a suggestion about how to stem it or an event to publicize? Comment at the end of the story, or email Katie.Kausch@patch.com and copy bullies@patch.com. You can post Bullying Prevention Month and many other events right on Patch.

Statistics vary, but an aggregate of 80 different studies on bullying suggests one in five American students between 12 and 18 is bullied at some point during their middle or high school years. Traditional bullying — name calling, public humiliation, isolation, physical violence and that sort of thing — occurs most often, with 35 percent of kids reporting they’ve been targeted in one of those ways. The studies cited by the PACER Center, which established National Bullying Prevention Month, show that 15 percent of kids surveyed report being cyberbullied.

And though it occurs less often, cyberbullying — which has resulted in a disturbing string of suicides by adolescents and teenagers — is especially hard to stop. While experts say most cyberbullied kids don’t kill themselves, the long-tailed internet makes a taunt live longer than one flung on the schoolyard. Kids can escape traditional bullying in the safety of their homes, but because social media is so intertwined with how kids communicate, they never really escape it.

READ: Bullied To Death: When Kids Kill With Words

And because cyberbullies have the stealth of anonymity, “empathy tends to fade to zero,” NoBully.org founder Nicholas Carlisle told Patch.

He was knocked around 40 or so years ago as an awkward 12-year-old. The torment persisted through high school, but as tough as it was, his experience was markedly different from the torture kids endure today, he says — and it’s not just that he was attacked in a physical as opposed to online space.

“Online, you can’t see the whites of their eyes,” Carlisle said. “If you can see someone, that’s often a break upon people’s aggression — not always, but it does seem to have some break upon crossing the line.”

The full consequences of bullying on the brain aren’t fully understood, but kids who are targeted by bullies in childhood and adolescence are at increased risk for psychological problems that can stretch into adulthood, according to experts. In the moment, bullied kids may be unable to sleep or suffer a range of stomach issues and headaches. Later on, they’re at risk for depression, anxiety, and alcohol and drug use.

OCT. 24 UNITY DAY

Among the marquee National Bullying Prevention Month activities is Unity Day, observed on Wednesday, Oct. 24, when everyone is encouraged to wear and show orange to send a message that no child should ever experience bullying.

“Orange provides a powerful, visually compelling expression of solidarity,” Paula Goldberg, the executive director of the PACER Center, said in a statement. “Whether it’s hundreds of individuals at a school wearing orange, store owners offering orange products or a community changing a landmark to orange, the vibrant statement becomes a conversation starter, sending the supportive, universal message that bullying is never acceptable behavior.”

Here’s more about Unity Day:

THE BULLY MENACE: WHAT’S AHEAD

During October and beyond, several experts have agreed to answer readers’ questions about bullying, ranging from how to keep their kids from becoming targets to what to do if their kids are the bullies. We’ll also delve into some of the issues surrounding bullying —

Take a look back at some of the stories in our series:

• America’s Shameful Truth About School Shooters And Bullying
• They All Failed Changed Child: Malden Bullying Detailed
• Bullies, Their Targets The Same In A Surprising Number Of Cases
• ‘Everyday, I Wear Your Words,’ Teen Tells Bullies In Video
• Teen’s ‘I Wear Your Words’ Video Inspires Nashville Songwriters
• Bullying Of Mallory Grossman, 12, Spelled Out In Wrongful Death Lawsuit
• Poetry Teacher Helps Bullied Kids Open Their Tortured Minds
• Why These Kindergartners Start Each Day With A Simple Handshake

If you have a question or want to share your story, please email bullies@patch.com.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741.

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