Another Carroll Gardens Christmas Eve Almost in the Books

Well, here we are on the eve of Christmas Eve, another year almost flown by. The house is clean, the baccala is shredded (which can be tricky when you have a cat in the house), the clams are ordered, the Caputo antipasto order and Caputo bread are waiting to be picked up, the gifts are wrapped (only one still in shipping), the cemetery has been visited, the Court Pastry cookies are bought and shipped to the friends and relatives far away, the homemade cookies are baked, the struffoli and my Aunt Mary Logica’s (she was prone to say that things were logical, hence the nickname) giuggiulena are made. I’ve called my aunts, delivered the local gifts and ironed the table cloth.

I have to say that despite all that preparation, I have had a very melancholy Advent this year. I just cannot seem to find the Christmas spirit. I haven’t listened to much Christmas music and I wrote out all my cards without turning the Christmas tree lights on. My husband asked me why and I really had no answer. I guess I’m just missing a lot of loved ones and feeling concerned for loved ones still here who have been facing challenging times.

As of yesterday I was feeling a bit more “up.” I got a phone call from a dear pal who just had a big surgery and she sounded great. My sister who had been under the weather and who is also the hostess of Christmas Eve, started feeling better thanks to a prescription of antibiotics. I was all caught up, all the things on my list checked off. Then right after dinner last night, we noticed a message from my brother on the family group chat: “I tested positive for Covid. Merry Christmas everybody!” I could not believe it. Exclamations and F bombs abounded. Almost three years into this pandemic and we are going to have yet another Christmas Eve without my brother and sister-in-law. My brother who so gracefully stepped into my dad’s shoes over 28 years ago. My brother who learned how to make the Christmas Eve masterpiece seafood salad from my mom. My brother who finally married his sweetheart this past year. I had to put my head down on the counter for a minute. But then I reminded myself that thankfully he’s all vaccinated and boosted and hopefully he will be okay. In fact he was so okay today that he made that beautiful seafood salad which will all share tomorrow, even if we are not all seated at the same table.

So I think the real message I’m trying to convey here, not least of all to myself, is to keep things in perspective. I know I should focus on the true meaning of Christmas and not worry about not feeling excited about things like lights and Christmas music. Really if everybody is okay and we have food on the table (which we have in abundance), and heat, hot water and electricity (unlike those poor people in Ukraine and other parts of the world), why complain about a lack of Christmas spirit.

Tomorrow, my hubby, the kids and I will pick up all our family favorites, load them into the car and transport our Carroll Gardens Italian-American Christmas Eve to Manalapan, NJ where we will enjoy the Feast of the Seven Fishes (maybe more than seven). And I will be grateful no matter what. Grateful for those who are there, grateful for those we will be missing, grateful for all the memories and traditions that we still so lovingly carry down. And grateful for a little baby born over two thousand years ago and the hope and good will that birth still instills in me.

I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and best wishes for peace and good health in the new year!