Every NYC Shirt in Target's 'Local Pride' Line, in Order From Least Awful to Most Awful

NEW YORK, NY — This summer, in Target branches all across America, unsuspecting shoppers have been accosted in the apparel section by Iowa-born and NYC-based fashion designer Todd Snyder's "Local Pride" line: a series of screen-printed T-shirts whose slogans attempt to capture the spirit of the cities in which they're sold.

San Diego gets "SURF/ SKATE/ DO YOGA" and "CHILL-MAN-BRO" and "CALI SO CHILL." Los Angeles gets "WRITER/ PRODUCER/ ACTOR/ DIRECTOR" and "KALE." Chicago gets "CHI PRIDE" and Boston gets "WICKED SMAHT" and "BEAN TOWN PROUD" and "LOVE THAT DIRTY WATER" and Minnesota gets "YA. SURE. YOU BETCHA!"

You can see where this is going.

So, because we're annoying NYC transplants full of meta transplant spite for other, less woke transplants like Todd Snyder, who clearly hasn't left his Manhattan skyscraper for the better part of a decade — and because Target must not be allowed to serve America this kind of "local" baloney without a reverse serving of local blog shame — we've spent a stupid amount of time assembling, below, a thoughtful ranking of Target's 20 new designs for NYC, in order from least awful to most awful. Enjoy.

20. This is pretty much the only New York tee in the Local Pride line we can envision ourselves buying — you know, if we were naked in a Target store and had no choice but to buy something. The hot dog is anatomically correct, and the lettering is cute, if kitschy. So, verdict: Not THAT awful. Moving on.

19. The name of a city we love in not entirely ugly letting. Again, could be worse. (And will be. Keep scrolling.)

17. Mildly impressed that Target has figured out how to fit every NYC cliche into a single, compact screen print. A fugly one, but still.

17. Kind of like No. 18 — but this time, woefully chunky and uninspired.

16. More apples! More skylines! Buy! Buy! Buy!

15. Pro tip: There is an infinitely more iconic version of this shirt available for half the price at approximately 1,000 separate hole-in-the-wall tourist shops in Chinatown alone.

14. Why.

13. Seriously, why.

12. This shirt is printed with the silhouette of New York State and stamped with the acronym for New York City. That is all.

11. You could buy this shirt. Or you could just, like, go drink a bunch of Brooklyn Brewery beer and buy a shirt straight from the source and, you know, support a local business without throwing a cut to Target.

10. Everyone knows you're not a real New Yorker if you don't talk mad smack about the subway system. You've got to at least PRETEND to hate it. Not only is this shirt mega-bland, but wearing it is an instant red flag you're a starry-eyed, out-of-town MTA fanboy. Complain incessantly or GTFO.

9. Yes, we are famous for our passionate cyclist contingent. Not a single member, though, would be caught dead wearing a vague and causeless pro-bike shirt from a big-box store.

8. "Do you think Target knows they spelled New York wrong?"

7. This one's just so... literal. And it looks like it has built-in man-boobs.

6. The "fuhgeddaboudit" freeway sign is dorky enough in itself, but at least it serves a function. Distress-printed onto a plain white tee, it's almost CRIMINALLY dorky. Please no one buy this.

5. Watch out, Harlem. You're about to be re-branded by rich idiots as the Trumpet District. Next, your real-estate inventory will be re-priced accordingly.

4. If you're going to wear a shirt with a slogan this lame, you'd be better off buying one with a wiggly font and a thuggy-looking llama face. At least that way, if you're lucky, some people might think you're being ironic.

3. Spanish for grocery store, actually.

2. NEED MONEY FOR LESS AWFUL T-SHIRT.

1. This is not a thing. This has never been a thing. This will never be a thing, unless maybe you're an evil, coked-up real-estate developer trying to choose between gentrifying East New York or the "Piano District." Why you trying to start shit, Todd Snyder?

H/T Brokelyn. Lead image via Google Maps