Pleas To Retire Number Of Athlete, 18, Who Died: 'Dylan Deserves This'

SOUTHOLD, NY — The heartache and frustration were palpable at a meeting of the Southold Union Free School District's Board of Education recently — as, one by one, speakers pleaded with the board to retire athlete Dylan Newman's beloved #5.

His family, classmates, the community and complete strangers were blinded by loss when Dylan, just 18, died in 2022 after a fierce battle with a rare cancer.

In the years since his unthinkable loss, there have been tributes to Dylan at Southold High School, including a new scoreboard, banners and a bench in his memory donated by Kait's Angels.

But for Dylan's sister Kelsey, the mission to see her beloved brother's number retired is deeply personal.

Speaking with Patch, she said that when she first heard of the idea, "I looked at my dad and said, 'This is the fight I want to fight for my brother, because this is what he deserves. This, and more.' Retiring my brother's number was something I wanted to conquer for him, as his sister."

Since the fight to retire Dylan's number began, a community has turned out in support, with a crowd gathering at the last BOE meeting in December to speak from their hearts, with Dylan's father Todd, mother Tanya, and sister Kelsey in attendance.

"The most rewarding part so far has been the outpouring of support we have from our community and towns all over," Kelsey told Patch. "They want this to happen as much asmy family and I do. They have supported us throughout Dylan’s journey with cancer — and after his passing, with the love and support they have given us and still do."

At the meeting, the BOE listened but made no comment.

When Southold Schools Superintendent Dr. Anthony Mauro was asked about whether or not the number would be retired, he responded via email to Patch, stating that the board is considering a "legacy" number.

"First, I think it is important to point out that all of us at Southold UFSD appreciate all of the comments made at the last board meeting; hearing our former students speak so eloquently was both emotional and beautiful," he said.

"Since we all feel so strongly that honoring Dylan's legacy is important, our administration has been working on doing so for the past year and a half. Aside from the things such as benches, scoreboards and banners already mentioned at the meeting, we have been working toward designing a Number of Distinction for our baseball team's Number 5 that will create a lasting legacy."

According to Mauro, "Southold Junior-Senior High School would like to honor the impact Dylan has had on our school and community by designating #5 as a Number of Distinction."

He added: "To commemorate Dylan’s legacy, highlighting the characteristics and attributes that defined him, we will reserve #5 on our Varsity Baseball Team. In collaboration with the Forever 5 Foundation, student-athletes will be encouraged to apply for the honor of wearing this number, and community members are welcome to nominate individuals they feel encompass Dylan’s example of life."

The yearly conversation and process, he said, "will keep Dylan’s memory alive and his legacy will become a beacon of achievement for students to strive for."

Mauro said the BOE would like to incorporate criteria based on Dylan’s "5 Pieces of Advice" for Southold, which is memorialized in the school — at the intersection of academic classes and athletic facilities, including the tenets:

1. Be positive
2. Keep up with your schoolwork
3. Don't be afraid to ask for help
4. Make time for yourself and your friends
5. Try different things

Mauro explained why the board has simply not just moved forward with retiring the number: "The decision to retire a number is an administrative one, and in our research and communication with multiple districts it is never as easy as it seems. To fairly honor every Southold student and alumni there needs to be a clear criteria to retire a number that is followed for everyone. This is the only way to equitably respect and honor everyone," he said.

"Our board and administration fully supports keeping the legacy of such a special alumnus in focus with our future students, and we hope to do so in a manner that honors him and all of our Southold students, alumni and community members," Mauro said.

Upon hearing of the "legacy" idea, Kelsey Newman, Dylan's sister, said: "I totally disagree with this decision. Dylan's number is already distinctive all over Long Island. He deserves better than that — he deserves to have it retired and celebrated because when you think of Number 5, you think of Dylan. And that should be celebrated."

Todd Newman, Dylan's father, told Patch: "The kids want this and so do so many other people — and the school is playing politics."

At the BOE meeting, members of the community came forward and opened their hearts, pleading with the board to retire the number.

"Superman had an 'S'. Dylan had a 5."

John Zaveski began: "I haven’t seen a kid graduate Southold High School and do what he did, the last four years of his life. To me, I think Southold High School should recognize him. I’ll be here every month until I can get a reason why we don’t commemorate people’s names and legacy in this high school.Superman had an 'S '. Dylan had a '5.'"

He added: "There should be a reason why the Number 5 is not below the American flag in that Southold gymnasium."

The crowd applauded.

Retiring Dylan's number is "the easy answer," said Bobby Corazzini. "Dylan left an impact on the community. Retiring the number means a lot. There are 100 numbers in baseball, we want to make it 99. One less number and that number is 5. A lot of great baseball players had that number in the past, but no one as great as Dylan."

Dylan, he said, showed tremendous courage, undergoing painful chemo treatments in the morning then rushing back to school to play on the field. "That truly shows character," he said. "He left a legacy behind him that everyone should look up to."

Speaking with Patch, Corazzini said: "Dylan's#5 should be retired by Southold schools due to the impact Dylan had when he was still here with us — and when he passed away. Dylan showed how, even with Ewing sarcoma, he managed to get up every day and want to walk into Southold School, just to see his friends and play the sports he loved, despite treatments such as chemo, which took a toll on his body. Despite the toll, he continued on. You wouldn't ever think he had cancer, the way he carried himself and how happy he was around his friends at school."

To the board, he said: "The process should be done. Let's get it done."

Newman, Dylan's father, delivered a strong message to the board: "Two years, two months, 28 days. Guess what that is? It's how long I’ve given all of you to do something. Because my daughter wants it and Dylan deserves it."

Looking directly at the BOE, he said. "I'd like to know which one of you doesn't think he deserves it."

No one spoke.

"I've been told it's because some believe that it would set a precedent," he said. "If it sets a precedent for a kid that fought like he did, to continue to come to school and play on your field after going to chemo that morning . . . ."

The scoreboard, Newman said, was donated to the school by Randy Frankel, co-owner of the Tampa Bay Rays; Frankel is the one who first asked when Dylan's number would be retired.

"It hadn't even been a thought in my head until then," Newman said. "But then I thought, 'He deserves this.'"

Other numbers have been retired for far less, Newman said. "He not only impacted a school, he impacted a community," he said.

He added: "Everyone's suffered a loss, not only me, but his friends, the community. He was ten times a better person than I am. If he were here, he'd be telling me, 'Dad, don't worry about it, let it go.' Because he did not like confrontation — but his dad does. He's my driving force."

Newman said he would "be fighting until I'm across the street" in the cemetery "with him. Because he never gave up on the school, so why should the school give up on him?"

Jeff Standish also spoke: "Dylan's strength, we all wish we had that."

In the years since he died, the Dylan Newman Forever 5 Foundation has been created to keep his legacy alive, and to provide scholarships and other help to the community in Dylan's name.

Standish said at a golf outing that's a fundraiser for the foundation, people come from far and wide "to recognize him."

Standish added: "I'm here today to fight for the number to be retired. A community would do this for any child who went through what he went through," Standish said.

Standish said he wished the board would tell the community, one way or another, their decision, and that a compromise might be possible that would work for all.

Evan Ackroyd, a 2010 Southold High School graduate, said he "came here to bear witness. I keep hearing the word 'precedent', and I understand concerns for the future, but this also disregards the past. As an alumni of Southold I feel dismissed, I feel embarrassed. I understand why it's a difficult decision to make but it's a decision worth making."

Kelsey Newman also discussed her brother at the BOE meeting. At first, she was overcome with emotion; her father came and stood beside her in solidarity, putting his arm around her. "It's okay," he told her. "Breathe. I know you're angry and you have a lot to be angry about, but say what you have to say. You can do it."

Her voice breaking with tears, Kelsey said: "I'm Dylan Newman's little sister. This all started because I wanted it. I wanted this to happen. You don't know how much it took for my brother to get on that field at all."

Newman shook his head. "You don't," he agreed. "She's touching on something that none of you know. He tried to live a normal life as best he could. What he did every night, none of you could have done. Then, the next day, drive with me and say, 'Dad, we have to go early because I have a game this afternoon. They have to shoot all this chemo in me so I can get back to play baseball for Southold.' He never wanted you to know."

Kelsey said Dylan had an actual sleeve guard made designed to protect his chemo port, so he could play baseball "like any normal kid. You should be honored that he went on that field to play for you."

Kelsey also referenced negative comments she's heard about retiring the number after other tributes that have been created for Dylan: "I've heard people say, 'When is enough, enough?'" she said, her voice breaking. "Dylan deserves this and I'm sick and tired of hearing all this side talk, that he might not deserve it. That's really low, whoever had to say that."

Pointing to the many who'd crowded into the room, she added: "My brother deserves every single recognition."

Yes, she said, her family was grateful for all that's been done so far. "But those things were given. This is the only thing we are coming forward for, asking you for, that we want to be done. This will not be the last time you hear from me or my family."

Tate Klipstein, who graduated in 2022 with Dylan, said the two were the best of friends. "He was 100 percent definitely one of the best people I've ever met — the kindest and most thoughtful you could ever wish to be blessed to know. He's, in my mind, the epitome of what every school should wish a student to be — selfless, and cared about others. He was the first person to make someone else feel welcome, or that they belonged."

Tears falling, Klipstein said: "I know who he is, because he's one of my best friends, but people 20 years from now should know who he is. He's the greatest person I ever met in my life."

He added: "If that's what sets a precedent — someone who gives everything they have to be the best person they possibly can; to lift everyone up and show them nothing is impossible — then I hope that person sets a precedent for what others should strive to be."

Klipstein also spoke with Patch: "Dylan went through hell to do what he loved, which was to play the sport of baseball. Through all of the surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy, and experimental trials, he did whatever he could to be at every practice or game with his teammates and friends."

He added: "Dylan never used cancer as an excuse for anything. Anytime you asked him how he was he would always respond that he was fine. He was living with a pain and burden that is unimaginable, and he did everything he possibly could to overcome it and live as normal a life as possible."

Of Dylan, he said: "He is a hero to everyone who has known him and is the epitome of what every person and student should strive to be. His fight, character and courage should never be forgotten. And the absolute least that can be done is his number being retired and honored. He deserved the world — but his number being retired is the least we can do for his memory."

David Okula, who also graduated with Dylan, agreed: "No one has ever made a greater impact on me than Dylan. Every day, this kid knew how to put a smile on my face. No mater what mood I was in, he would change my mood— he knew how to always be happy. Thinking about that, with what he was going though, is unbelievable and remarkable."

As for the issue of precedence, Okula added: "If there's ever anyone who makes this same impact again then, yes, they should be recognized the same way. But I find it hard to believe that anyone could leave that kind of legacy."

Martha Hansen told Patch: "I think the #5 should be retired because when you Google 'Why do players' jerseys get retired?'" the reasons cited include honoring a player for athletic achievement, contributions to the team, a memorable career, or a tragic death, she said.

"Dylan meets this criteria," Hansen said. "In my opinion, Dylan and the number 5 are one and the same," she said.

Dylan, she said, "put his heart and soul into athletics from a very young age and even after being diagnosed with cancer that did not change his dedication to Southold athletics. There is no better way to keep this young man's memory, dedication, hard work, and perseverance alive than by honoring him and his family than with the #5 jersey hanging on the wall of the Southold gym. I really still do not understand the harm in this. And I'm still waiting for someone to give me a call to explain the reasons for not retiring his number."

Dawn Grzegorczyk also spoke at the meeting: "We’ve all heard how wonderful Dylan is. We just love Dylan. He touched all of us. Very simply, we all love our Newmans, we all love Dylan. The right thing here is to retire his number. I beg you to do the right thing .We’e not going to stop —so please, do the right thing."

From the back of the room, a child's small voice cried out, “Retire Number 5!"

At his funeral in 2022, despite the sadness, there were touches of the joy that infused Dylan's life — everywhere, there was green, a nod to his love for the color. Green sneakers. Green ties. Green ribbons and green clothing. And also, the green wristbands adorned with the words "Team Dylan" that have graced so many, many fundraisers for a young man an entire town loved as their own.

Together, all of Southold Town mourned. Town Hall itself was illuminated in green, an unprecedented act to honor a boy who brought a community together in caring.

"Like so many others, we wanted to show the family how much Dylan meant to this community," then-Southold Town Supervisor Scott Russell said.

At the front of the church was a screen, set up before the service began, with photos of Dylan from moments throughout his life, playing sports, enjoying barbecues, surrounded by family and friends — and smiling, always smiling.

The service, led by Rev. Dr. Peter Kelley, was somber but also filled with joyful memories and laughter as his friends and loved ones told stories about a young man known for his bright and ever-present positivity, his courage, his indomitable spirit, his love for others, and his passion for sports — including baseball and basketball.

Bagpipers played as Dylan's family entered the church and hymns including "How Great Thou Art," and "On Eagle's Wings" soothed heavy hearts. The final hymn, "You Are Mine," spoke to sorrow and hope: "I will come to you in the silence, I will lift you from all your fear. You will hear my voice. I claim you as my choice, be still and know that I am here. Do not be afraid. I am with you."

Rev. Kelley described the many, many prayers. "Your prayers flew straight to the heart of God," he said.

Close family friend Nancy Maaiki also spoke, describing Dylan as a "hero, a warrior, a superman," with bright eyes and a smile that lit up every room.

A single boy, she said, brought thousands together — an entire community, from family and friends to complete strangers. "Dylan did the impossible," she said. "He brought together people from all walks of life."

The huge effort to help him, the sea of fundraisers, the parade and baseball games and the many green lights and cars with messages to Dylan, all of it, she said, "became something unimaginable. "Dylan gave his heart to all of you — and you gave it back," she said.

As the many who loved him mourn, tributes to Dylan were a testament to the deep bonds he shared with family, friends, teachers, classmates, teammates, and even people he'd never met.

At a vigil held for Dylan, his father also spoke, remembering April 26, 2018, the day his family learned that Dylan had a tumor on his hip. Hundreds turned out for the first fundraiser, a "Dash for Dylan," at Southold High School, soon after.

"I ended what I had to say that day with, 'We have an army behind us,'" he said. "And this army is still strong."

Newman thanked the community for the years of caring, and for surrounding his family with love.

Tears flowing, the crowd then walked the bases, a "final lap," for Dylan. The Newmans gathered together on home plate, for their boy. They then went to stand by the fence, before Dylan's photo and balloons with the number 5 — as the procession around the bases continued steadily, the green lights illuminating the night with love.

As he faced the crowd in church at the funeral, Newman added: "We will mourn him for a little while — but we will celebrate him for the rest of our lives."

Speaking with Patch about her brother this week, Kelsey said: "They are so many ways to describe my brother from other people’s perspective but, from being his sister and being right by his side throughout his whole life, I would describe my brother as my hero. I have always looked up to Dylan my entire life and continue to do. Our bond was inseparable. Dylan could brighten up a room with his smile and laugh. All the memories with my brother — it was the little things I cherish. Going to practice together, talking and laughing in my room about everything. After long days taking trips to the hospital for treatment, I would go in his room to make sure he was good but he was the one worrying about me and asking how my day was. That was just the person my brother was, always looking out for others before himself."

Kelsey said she's found the strength to move forward, despite the tremendous loss, by following her brother's example.

"We would both say to each other, 'Take one day at a time' and that’s just I did. Being his sister, watching him go through everything, he has given me strength in so many ways that I wish he knew. My brother is why I keep my head up every day, always have a brave face on when days are harder than others. He taught me to never to give up on anything that comes my way and that's the way I tackle it —because he never gave up and always had a smile on his face, every day."

Holidays are hard, but her family still finds ways to honor the boy they loved with all their hearts and souls. "Through my brother's foundation, The Dylan Newman Forever 5 Foundation, my family and I give back to community, from giving gifts to our local church for kids, to Toys for Tots, to local businesses," Kelsey said. "We do lots of things for the holidays for families that are private — but knowing we are putting a smile on someone face is what Dylan would want us to do and will continue to do that. "

Of retiring her brother's number, Kelsey concluded: "Retiring Dylan's number will keep his legacy alive. Dylan deserves every part of his number being retired. Only my family and I know what it took to my brother to go play baseball on Southold's field, and that should be recognized and honored. In the years ahead I want kids who didn’t know Dylan to ask, 'What does #5 mean?' or 'Why is a #5 jersey hung up?" Then, we'll tell his story. This is what keep Dylan’s legacy alive for the generations entering Southold High School."

When his number is retired, which she prays it will be, Kelsey said: "I want to say, 'Dyl, this is what you deserve — and I did it!” because this is what my brother deserves and beyond more. This is a fight I will never give up on — I will continue to fight until it’s done. It’s just getting started."