Mental Health Expert Offers Grief Tips During Valentine's Day

With Valentine’s Day approaching, people will be celebrating the holiday with their loved ones. However, this is not always an easy holiday for all. For children and adults who are coping with the death of a loved one, this is an extremely difficult and challenging time. Joanna Formont, Executive Director of SIBSPlace and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, is providing suggestions for both children and adults on how to cope with grief during Valentine’s Day and other holidays.

Valentine’s Day may evoke feelings and memories that may be unsettling for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one, brother, sister, parent or caregiver. For parents and caregivers, they are mourning the death of a child or a spouse, while caring for grieving children. Memories about this person will emerge and may leave the child or adult with overwhelming feelings, like sadness, loneliness and anger.

Here are ways children and adults can handle these challenging emotions:

Self-Care

When faced with anxiety and sorrowful thoughts, it may be helpful and empowering to engage in mindfulness activities such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing. These activities promote a healthy mind-body connection which can minimize stress and anxiety and enhance physical and mental well-being. Activities should be done in a quiet safe space or any place that brings comfort. Families can find many helpful resources online including books, videos and apps.

Other self-care techniques include: Engaging in family activities together that brings joy and happiness, cooking or eating a favorite meal that was enjoyed by the loved one who died and creating healthy eating, sleeping and exercise routines.

Journaling

Journaling has been proven to be useful in facilitating grief as it relieves stress and allows individuals to self-reflect. Some journaling techniques include writing down present feelings and emotions, writing a love/goodbye letter to the person you are grieving, compiling a list of memories and ways your loved one has influenced you. It is also important to write down questions as these can be discussed with a family member or a school based/community mental health professional.

Connect with Family and Friends

When grieving, many people find themselves feeling isolated, alone and disconnected from peers. It is important for grieving children and adults to surround themselves with encouraging friends and family during times of distress as they can offer emotional support and a shoulder to cry on. It is also beneficial to engage in group activities such as going to the movies, out to dinner or to the mall to provide a distraction and offer moments of joy.

“For individuals who are not affected by bereavement but have a friend or family member who is struggling, there are many ways to help. The best thing to do is offer concrete help whether it be cooking dinner, driving kids to school, going grocery shopping, etc. Alleviating the pressure of having to do these everyday tasks can make all the difference,” said Joanna Formont. “It is also important for parents to educate their children on how to approach their friends who have lost a loved one. Being a good listener and being willing to reach out to a friend helps the grieving child feel connected and supported by their peers.”

SIBSPlace, an affiliate of Mount Sinai South Nassau, is a free nonprofit organization that provides prevention based mental health services to children ages 5-16 who have a sibling or parent diagnosed with cancer or another devastating medical illness. One of their many programs includes serving families throughout their grief journey. Children with their parents/caregivers meet weekly at SIBSPlace and attend concurrent groups where they discuss feelings and coping skills to help them recognize they are not alone during this difficult time.

“When a child loses a sibling or a parent, the world becomes a scary and unpredictable place. Our bereavement program provides children and their parents/caregivers with a place where they can feel heard and connected with other families who are going through similar situations. At SIBSPlace families find a sense of belonging and comfort in feeling that they are truly understood,” said Formont.

For more information about bereavement, SIBSPlace and their many programs, please visit their website at www.sibsplace.org.