VIEWPOINT: You Don't Have to Be an 'Attachment Parent' to be 'Mom Enough'

Editor's note: A couple of folks on the Fort Stewart Patch Facebook page have pointed out that coddled children often have permissive parents, who simply give children whatever they want. Attachment parenting, they point out, is about responding to needs, not wants. I'm leaving the article below as written, but I believe the Facebook commenters had a good point, and one that should be acknowledged here.

By now everyone's seen the cover of the latest Time Magazine: A willowy, defiant woman glares at the camera while her 3-year-old child stands on a chair and breastfeeds.

The picture's caused a lot of controversy lately, and Time Magazine has taken some hits in the press for sexualizing breastfeeding. "Breastfeeding rates in the US are nowhere near where they should be; making it look deviant hardly helps the cause," wrote pediatrician Claire McCarthy in the Boston Globe.

But the magazine has also taken criticism for the photo's caption: "Are you mom enough?"

The cover story in Time is about "attachment parenting," a concept espoused by pediatrician Bill Sears that attempts to strengthen the bond between parent and child. The big pillars of Sears' parenting tehnique are breast-feeding well into toddlerhood, constant carrying and "co-sleeping" -- i.e., letting the child sleep in the same bed with the parents. Parents (well, moms) are supposed to attend to the baby's every cry and be in pretty much constant physical contact.

All of this will apparently allow the baby to grow into a brilliant, well-adjusted rocket scientist who volunteers for the homeless on weekends. Sears even claimed on the Today Show Friday that he'd never seen an "attachment baby" grow into a school bully, which seems like a pretty sweeping claim.

Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Bill Sears can take a flying leap.

Okay, before the flack starts pouring in, allow me to say this: If that's how you want to raise your child, go for it. The problem I have is the implication that those who choose not to carry their kids everywhere, let them sleep in the same bed (which the American Academy of Pediatrics opposes, by the way), etc., are somehow not "mom enough" to handle child-rearing.

I know what you're saying: "He's a dude, or at least I hope so based on his profile photo. Where does he get off criticizing mothering styles?" Well, I'm a dad, and a dad who ended up caring for his child alone for quite awhile, so I went through the "young mother" stuff myself.

Due to some health issues in the family, I was on my own with my son for about the first year of his life (everyone's fine and healthy now, thanks). So my son was bottle-fed, thank you very much. He did not sleep in my bed, and although I held him and played with him a lot, I did not carry him constantly. I had to work for a living, like a lot of parents, which meant the "constant carrying" thing wouldn't have been practically possible anyway. While I certainly comforted him, fed him or changed him when he cried, I also realized that you simply cannot respond to an infant's every single whimper. Sometimes, so you can continue to be an effective parent instead of a stressed-out, resentful zombie, you just have to let a baby cry.

My son is 7 now, and he's turned out fine. He's healthy, happy, bright and kind. He's reading two grade levels above his age group and is one of the top math students in his class as well. And amazingly, he's been raised in just the normal way. You know, the way his mom was raised. The way I was raised. By loving parents who also give kids boundaries.

I've known kids who were coddled by their parents. They were taught from birth that they were the center of the universe, and they grew up thinking it was true. And when the world didn't turn out to revolve around them, it was a pretty big shock -- one I would argue did real damage to their social development. I've seen 7- and 8-year-olds throw shrieking tantrums that would embarrass a 2-year-old, while their adoring mothers smiled beatifically at little Johnny "expressing himself." Sorry, mom. Little Johnny is not "expressing himself." Little Johnny is "being a brat."

So, attachment parents and Time Magazine: If you want to carry your children everywhere, that's fine. If you want to let them sleep in the same bed, fine. If you want to respond immediately to their every sigh and breastfeed them until they're old enough to shave, fine. But don't act like you're issuing some kind of challenge to the parenting world.

Because I'm a dad who did none of those things, and it turned out that even I was "mom enough."

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