Neighbor Borrows But Doesn’t Return Stuff: What To Do? [Block Talk]

ACROSS AMERICA — What should you do about the neighbor who borrows your stuff, but never returns it?

In many cases, readers who answered Patch’s question on Facebook for this installment of Block Talk said, failure to return the item is a simple mistake.

“Given enough time, I'll politely ask for it back,” a Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader wrote. “Maybe they've forgotten. People lead busy lives these days.”

“Assume the best and that they just forgot,” a Bel Air (Maryland) Patch reader agreed. “Simply let them know you’ll be needing back for your own use ASAP.”

A Milford (Connecticut) Patch reader said there’s “absolutely nothing wrong with knocking on said neighbor’s door and asking if they’re done with said item, as you need to use it for some of your own chores.”

A polite conversation shouldn’t offend anyone, several readers said. “Be polite and ask if they are still using it,” a Joliet (Illinois) Patch reader suggested.

Another Concord Patch reader said there’s no reason to dance around it, writing, “You go over to their house, knock on the door and kindly ask them for the item back. Period.”

“Just tell them you need it. It’s yours and shouldn't cause any hard feelings for them,” a Cartersville (Georgia) Patch reader said, adding “Some people genuinely forget they borrowed something, and some people just hope you never ask for them to return it.”

There’s no need to make a huge deal out of it, an Elmhurst (Illinois) Patch reader said, writing, “Just politely call, text or [visit] in person ask for it, saying you need it back to use yourself and [you] hope it helped them!”

Keep the conversation light and airy, another Bel Air Patch reader advised, offering as an example, “Tell them, ‘I’ll trade you for that item you borrowed for this cold beer I have in my hand.’ No harm, no foul.”

“You casually ask them, ‘How’d that work out for you? Did it do the job you expected?' ” a Patchogue (New York) Patch reader advised.

“Use humor,” a Danvers (Massachusetts) Patch reader wrote, and say something like, “Gee, I've misplaced my hammer. Do you have one I can borrow?”

Or, use your kids, noted a Sachem (New York) Patch reader who recalled a neighbor who borrowed his dad’s tools. “He sent one of us kids over to get it back,” she wrote.

Or, look at the upside.

“Let them store it until I need it back,” a Falmouth (Massachusetts) Patch reader observed.

Set A Return Date

Other readers advised spelling out expectations for the item’s return when agreeing to lend it.

“If I let someone borrow something, I usually tell them when I will need it back,” an Enfield (Connecticut) Patch reader wrote. “If it’s not returned in that time frame, I go over and get it or call them up and ask them about it.”

“I let them know I’m gonna be needing it back soon,” a Peabody (Massachusetts) Patch reader agreed. “And then I let them know they can borrow it back whenever they’d like, [because] we’re neighbors and I know where they live.”

A Sachem Patch reader said that if she lends something of value, she lets her neighbor know when she needs it back.

Some readers said it’s a matter of lender beware.

“I do not loan anything I’m not willing to lose. So I do nothing. It belongs to them now,” a Joliet Patch reader said, adding, “No DRAMA!”

Fool Me Once …

One of the best ways to avoid unpleasant or awkward conversations is to “neither a borrower nor a lender be,” a Concord Patch reader wrote, quoting Shakespeare’s “Hamlet.”

A Joliet Patch reader quoted her dad. He “always said, never lend what you can’t afford to lose.”

“Ask for it back,” another Joliet Patch reader wrote, “and never let them borrow anything again.”

“I lent our trimmer to our old neighbors, he brought it back with the handle broken, then we lent them our lawn mower. He brought it back on empty,” someone else from Joliet said. “Never let then use anything again!”

An Oak Lawn (Illinois) Patch reader advised a straightforward approach, writing, “Go ask for it back. If you do not get it back, never ever [lend] them anything again.”

A Milford (Connecticut) Patch reader said that when she asked a friend to return a fondue set she borrowed, “she claimed she gave it back, and I was crazy.”

“Two years later, she found it in her garage when she was packing to move,” the reader continued. “She returned it, asking me why I had never asked for it back. Accept when you loan something you’ll never get it back.”

It Depends

How to approach neighbors who have been tardy in returning things they borrow “depends on the relationship,” a Crystal Lake-Cary (Illinois) Patch reader said. “If you have a relationship established, say something like ‘Not sure if you are finished using the power washer, but I have another friend asking to borrow it when you are done.’

“If no relationship … say something like, ‘I am so sorry, but when you borrowed the hand mixer in March it was not returned.’ ”

A couple of other Crystal Lake-Cary Patch readers offered different takes.

“Borrow something more expensive from them, and don’t give it back,” one suggested. “Tell them you need it back for something you’re working on,” another said, “then never loan them stuff again.”

Consider the possibility that a neighbor broke whatever they borrowed and is putting off confessing to it for as long as possible, a Huntington (New York) Patch reader advised, speaking from experience.

“So just ask, ‘Hey, do you think I could get that blank back?’ This is where you’ll either get an ‘Oh, sure, I totally forgot,’ even though they didn’t, or they’ll say ‘Oh, shoot, I forgot to tell you that it broke.”

In that case, let it be, the reader advised, noting, “People genuinely don’t always have the money to replace things, and I feel bad asking. I say no worries and move on.”

“Let them keep it and go buy a new one,” a Tinley Park (Illinois) Patch reader said. “They might still be using it and can’t afford one themselves.”

Chill Out

Some readers said they lend things with the expectation they may never get those items back.

“Unless it’s quite expensive,” a Joliet Patch reader wrote, “just enjoy life.”

“Only lend an item if it can be viewed as a gift. If it comes back, that’s great,” an Oak Lawn Patch reader said, adding that people who get angry when items aren’t returned shouldn’t lend them in the first place.

“Assume it’s theirs now,” a Bel Air Patch reader wrote, “because I hate confrontation.”

“If it’s something small, I let it go,” a Tewksbury (Massachusetts) Patch reader wrote, “but something more valuable, I’d ask for it back.”

A Sachem Patch reader offered a suggestion that goes to the heart of neighborliness.

“We turned them into community property,” the person explained. “My dad had the wheelbarrow, and our neighbor had a chainsaw. We would borrow and not return until we needed it next.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an every-other-week feature on Patch offering real-world advice from readers on how to resolve everyday neighborhood problems. If you have a neighborhood etiquette question or problem you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com, with Block Talk as the subject line.

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