Nosy Neighbors: Should You Be Kind Or Call The Cops? [Block Talk]

ACROSS AMERICA — Some neighbors really do have unmitigated gall.

Just ask Kimberly, who reads San Ramon Patch and Dublin Patch in California. When we asked about nosy neighbor horror stories and what to do about them for Block Talk, Kimberly told us about the woman next door who commandeered her old carpets:

“She walked right into our house when we were having a new floor installed and started telling the workers to bring the old carpeting to her home. She didn’t ask us, didn’t ask to enter our home, just came in barking orders.”

But wait, there’s more:

“She would also tie her large dog up in her front yard where it could do its business on ours right next to our cars.”

Ick. Forever the 12-year-old child who sets a bag of it right outside someone’s front door on Halloween, rings the doorbell and runs away in laughter — however maniacally in this case.

Kimberly just plain could not catch a break. That person moved out and the guy who moved in “thought he owned the neighborhood,” she said.

“He complained about everyone and everything and would get in regular drunken fights with another neighbor’s teenage son because he thought his car was too loud,” Kimberly said. “He was horrible. So glad when each of these people moved!”

Chill Or Be ‘Colder And Colder’?

Sarah, who reads Hillsborough (New Jersey) Patch, and her family ended up moving away from their “all-around busybody” neighbor. The relocation was “not 100 percent because of him,” she said, “but he was definitely a huge driving force to get away.”

This guy was always getting up “into everybody's lives and causing disruption for no reason.” He seemed to have township officials on speed dial and was a frequent complainer to the homeowners association.

“He would stop me while I was walking up to my house for no reason,” Sarah said. “I just wanted to get home.”

Sarah said she tried a gentle approach, but “sometimes there is no nice way to do things.”

“Before we moved, I just started getting colder and colder in every interaction because after decades of living next to someone who had nothing better to do, I was tired of having to entertain his nonsense,” she said.

‘No Need To Crush Her Soul’

Across America Patch reader Charlie took a different approach.

“I was a single dad raising a couple of daughters, and the neighbor next door kept trying to give me her castoffs — clean but stained clothes her kids had outgrown, toys and books, and even her leftovers in cottage cheese cartons ‘so you won't have to worry about returning them,’ she said. It was always something, and always something I didn’t want,” Charlie said.

But she was a sweet, older woman whose sole motivation was kindness, Charlie said.

“I took her stuff and prayed she’d never go through my garbage can or ask why the girls weren’t wearing her hand-me-downs,” Charlie said. “There was no need to crush her soul if I didn’t have to.”

It’s Not What They Say, But What They Play

Bliss for Meriden (Connecticut) Patch reader Samuel would be to live in the peace and quiet of his home. His neighbors aren’t nosy, but they still intrude on his life with music that’s so loud the beat is carried over a pond to his home three-fourths of a mile away. It’s a regular thing to hear the racket past midnight, he said.

“When called, they are not the most neighborly and claim, ‘You’re harassing us! This is our culture!’ ” Samuel said. “I called in the PD as a last resort, but it was useless. The cops wanted nothing to do with the issue. Finally, I had to write the mayor and the councilmen.

“After four years — four years — they may have stopped,” he said, “but I don’t know yet.”

Jim, a North Fork (New York) Patch reader, said he put up a 6-foot fence, planted bushes and installed security cameras to deal with a similar situation.

“Know the town noise ordinance,” Jim said. “Use it when needed.”

Jim and many of his other neighbors are in agreement on this, and “the New York State Police does a wonderful job keeping the peace,” he said.

“My neighbor complains about smoke, but smokes a lot, and constantly stalks me just to call me a (slur) and my 9-year-old child a (slur),” said Patch reader Catherine. At a loss as to what to do about it, Catherine acknowledged, “I need help.”

From Illinois comes this sunniness from a person who goes by Dandy and reads Tinley Park Patch, Orland Park Patch and Frankfort Patch. Dandy gave a nosy neighbor five bucks for a cup of coffee and a newspaper.

“Thank you. You make the world a better place,” Dandy reported saying. And also, because why wouldn’t you, “Do these pants make me look fat?”

When Nosiness Is Menacing

Nosy isn’t the right word for some of the folks next door that readers told us about. The situations they described are such a hot mess they seem like something that would have gone before a reality TV judge for fake adjudication.

Edgewater-Davidsonville (Maryland) Patch reader Ashley said the situation with her neighbor was so untenable that she sought a restraining order, planted 18 10-foot trees in her front yard and put up an 11-foot privacy fence in her back yard.

The whole thing started when Ashley’s 78-year-old neighbor wandered into her back yard while she was splashing in her pool. She told him to stay away, but he came back a second time, so she called the cops. She caught him on security video spraying her new trees with weed killer, but when Ashley called the police again, he turned it around on her and complained about the placement of her security cameras, Then he put up his own cameras in retaliation and pointed them toward the pool.

This back-and-forth went on. There were more police calls about things as petty as the time Ashley’s husband let a leaf drift onto the neighbor’s property when he was using his leaf blower. Never mind that the leaf came from the heighbor's tree. Each time, Ashley said, the cops told the guy to leave her family alone.

He sought a restraining order against Ashley and her husband, offering all kinds of wild accusations to justify it:

“He said I threaten to kill him every day with the arsenal of guns I have in my yard, that I leave my children unattended at home alone and he has to watch them, and that I have naked women running around my back yard, topless, while my children watch. He said I make derogatory comments to him regarding my husband and refer to him as a slave and it makes him very uncomfortable. Mind you, I do not talk to this man ever.”

Ashley put seven exclamation points at the end of the sentence to emphasize her point. Her husband, a military man for 23 years who has been deployed to war situations, is more chill and agrees with police that the neighbor is struggling with mental health issues, Ashley said.

She gets that, too, but said her mother’s instincts kicked in when the guy went off about her kids. In the end, they took a kind-hearted approach and dropped their last application for a restraining order — not that he’s reciprocated by minding his own business, Ashley said.

“This has been going on for three years, and thousands of dollars later, landscaping, court orders, restraining orders, replacing things that he’s destroyed — it’s just insane,” she said. This man is 78 years old and we are early 40s. You would think one would want to enjoy the rest of his God-given days in peace, but no.”

‘Regrets All Around’

“My elderly neighbor is a stalker,” said Across America Patch reader Ruth.

“Anytime we walk out our door, she has her face pressed against her window — or if she is outside, she runs to the fence between our yards to give us a menacing stare,” Ruth said.

The situation has escalated to the courtroom due to “issues with her trespassing and throwing nails,” Ruth said. “I have found rocks in my gutters and have had lug nuts removed from my car. When I sleep at night, I can sometimes hear things hitting my house and I’m pretty sure it’s her throwing things.”

Ruth and her family spend their outdoor time in the part of the yard blocked by their house.

“So much for ‘peaceful enjoyment’ of our home,” she said. “I’m four years away from retirement and living for the day when I can move away from this stress. Home is supposed to be where you are most comfortable, not the least.”

There’s a lesson in her experience for anyone thinking about moving into a new neighborhood, Ruth said.

“My advice would be to interview your prospective neighbors if they are close to your home, prior to buying and moving in,” she said. “I didn't realize I was moving myself and my kids in next to a psychopath.

“Regrets all around,” Ruth said.

Back In The Day, It Was News

We leave you with this anecdote from Alicia, who reads Apple Valley-Rosemount (Minnesota) Patch:

“This person wasn't a neighbor, but after I moved to a smallish town for my husband's job many years ago, the local newspaper’s ‘society editor’ used to call and ask if I had any news to report. I had never heard of this, and was taken aback and a little surprised so many people willingly shared the names of their weekend guests, what they had all eaten and other things that don’t seem to be anybody else’s business,” Alicia said. “ I’m curious if any newspapers still do this.”

About Block Talk

Block Talk is a regular Patch feature offering real-world advice from readers on how to resolve everyday neighborhood problems. If you have a neighborhood etiquette question or problem you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com, with Block Talk as the subject line.

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