Grief group needs support with a candlelight vigil

This is Shawn Norton from GRASP San Diego. August 31 the World honors those who lost their loves to overdose, International Overdose Awareness day started by a leader of the YMCA in Australia. She saw families grieving alone and never wanted the World to Forget those souls whom we love. AUGUST 31 ST we wear purple ribbons in acknowledgement of our participations and honors the families left behind. This is the one dat grieving parents wives husbands and friends come out to light a candle , say their names outloud. You will hear converstions that we normally politetly avoid. Hoping to spark interest for sensible solutions. My daughter, Candice nicole , accidentally overdosed. Although, I have been asked,"what I expected?"As if a mother could ever imagine the journey of grief and with addictive illness it seems the jugdmemts an d stigma surround us. Which often keeps so many in the darkness of their homes in the deepest pain that most, will never even phathom.

The faces of overdose are not the ones displayed in an alley behind a trash can with needles in their arms. Society turns their back to addicts and makes grieving more complicated. Which is why this day for our community is important part of breaking. As for me, I am a mother whose love is endless. I am not ashamed of my child nor her mistakes, loved her. I love her still and I grieve her loss still . MY daughter was not trash that society can toss away with a judgemental glare. Nor was my mother, Mary Louise, nor my baby cousin ,Stephanie Melcher forever 21! It never matter to me how they passed, we love them still . We should have the right ones mourn with dignity and respect Never should then be alone never telling others their loved toʻone overdosed they hide the truth. Often afraid of the stigma, unthoughtful comments, being shut out of their communities, The grief is still there so raw and deep that they can barely breath when thinking of their babies some hold their breath hopes that tears won't fall at random times, some isolate and cry, some have said that if they allow themselves to cry, they may never stop, I have never seen this to be true. what I do see is that the grief that once was able to be molded like Jell-O turns into a hard to process complicated grief that has thousands 0f people in pain stuck. Unable to process their sudden tragic loss. I support them all in finding their own way to grieve. I have seen fathers caring their daughter's urn to work for a year, i have supported mom searching to contact her baby through physics some just come to a meeting and cry. While. others find their religion a comfort there are those confused a have lost faith in the God they once believed watched over our families. Everyone grieves differently and that is ok . In the safety of our groups GRASP members find a place to let go of the need to be strong and brave all without stigma, shame or judgments. I have become an advocate just as I believe no matter how they passed we loved them and have a right to grieve. This means allowing them whatever space they need to be heard and I support them however they allow me. As the group support aides in normalizing what seems to be an entire life that has been blown apart. We often know we are at war with addictive illness and we are loosing . Our lives have been destroyed like a bomb was dropped on our entire life. It only is a split second in time and everything we once held dear is gone, all the dreams of beating this disease, the stressful nights praying so hard that you find yourself in tears just hoping that if you have faith enough someone will hear your prayers for your sick baby who is annoying, frustrating , needy , lies , sneaky and often so sweet and creative that you want to protect them with everything in you. So many have tried rehabs. religion, harm reduction, tough love and spent thousands trying to save them from themselves. It clear their pleasure responses in their brain are hijacking the choices they make and you know they have free will. Hoping and praying you do all you can to keep them alive until the miracle of recovery happens. Then the choice is made and all of that is gone in that one moment the bomb explodes. Its when they make the worst mistake of their lives and it takes their life away . We wonder if we will ever be "normal " If by normal you mean stressed and worried most days. Yet that seems so much better than this fear that I will forget the sound of her voice as the years go by. I am often still frozen in time on Februarys 15th 2005. I hate to scare new people when they come into GRASP with the reality of a mothers love is forever and so is our grief. What we do find are each other and tools to help each other along the way. We honor that without shame on August 31st International Overdose awareness day. This year I am being more open about this journey and I have learned I cannot do it alone and I don't want to discount the many years I have been with other groups. Throughout the overdose epidemic I have been the one many San Diego moms, dads , sisters brothers friend and spouses have called while they were in tears lost and hoping I would give them a solution and the only one thing I can say is ,"I am so sorry for your loss" with the rate of overdose deaths you can imagine why I am community focused and asking all of you to help so many people in our community that may be grieving alone hoping that one day they do not have to do so alone.

We begin to find some way to make sense of something that does not make any sense to us, eventually if they can stand the pain, we find tools that help us survive, the same single father who carried his baby to work now speaks at a rehabilitation program his girl was a part of and brings hygiene donations to the recovering addicts. He grows sunflowers and at these events he has packaged them up to pass out to complete strangers, this allowing Rachel's flowers to continue to grow throughout San Diego, some form foundation and there are many unable to even wear a purple ribbon on this day, or speak up. This is where I step in and I'll gather a long list anyone who wants their loved one's name said aloud and speak for them. I am not ashamed to have been Candice’s mommy. This is a day where we all come out, tell our stories, spark up conversation and speak annoy sensible solutions. Every year more and more families join us in lighting a candle and making poster boards with picture of their smiling faces, we wear a purple ribbon and ask community programs of like mind to aide us in honoring the lives lost, it's a night of never allowing them to be forgotten. Some programs use this day as a spring board to bring awareness to a political point of view. GRASP is for the ones left behind for support. Although, we have a politically active sister company Broken no more. GRASP is about the grieving and our loved ones; GRASP has created several very large long banners with names lost to overdose. when put together it fells and looks like a War memorial, Candice is on the fourth banner to the right. Another mom created banners of our loved one's baseball card size; these posters bring awareness to the epidemic that No one wants to really see. Faces of our communities' children. Moms and dads often can be seen sitting looking at the banners in tears alone for a moment until another GRASP member notices the pain and will sit quietly next to them maybe holding their hand and cry with them, this is why this day is important, because No one should suffer alone.

Governor Newsome has said that he will help us with the epidemic Loss. There have been some changes with Naloxone distribution, the needle exchange program and 911 good Samaritan law. Which DA, s often finds ways to find a loophole to arrest those calling for help and not soon after the reports of overdose death rises. With addictive illness and already hijacked pleasure systems it's a challenge.

Senator Newsome response includes making anyone found with fentanyl in their system at death a federal investigation. There now he formed a federal task force to investigate the contacts or dealers, friends that they were with, friend that gave them a ride. they are charged with Murder or conspiracy. Governor Newsome went to the FEDERAL DA office and approved a task force to aide in conviction

They are a group of social workers to aid the parents with court and asking that they each show up in court with a letter to the judge at SENTENCING. I know this because they call me to help.

Parent who are grieving and emotions are at their highest. They relive each moment as we all do every anniversary of their passing every holiday or birthday as they pass. Some have known the friends of their child since they were in grades school others they never even knew how they knew our babies. As a result of this our federal jails are being filled with other people's children that have an addictive illness that is listed in our DSM 5 diagnostic doctors Manuel as a chronic illness of the reward system that left untreated will never be better. I have heard of no funds at fourth to treat their illness.

On a bad day of grief and loss I myself well wanted someone to be held accountable for Candice's death. She was 18 years old and never really got the opportunity to fall in love go to college or have babies, it's been reported s that there is an overdose death every 4,5 minutes tin this country, there are twice as many people grieving alone. I'm asking for everyone's help to try and reach out to those suffering. So that they may feel supported and to honor the lives lost to soon.

I haven't yet to solidify a venue or community programs who would like to be part of this event, i have found when i join others with best intention what is lost is the real reason we are there, so I am asking the community for help to support this event.

My daughter was an all-star soft ball player with drama of the Olympics and going to becoming a nurse, she c was born at Grossmont hospital raised in a middle class La Mesa neighborhood, made an impulsive choice to try and hid Someone's else's bags of methamphetamine when she was arrested. She fell into a China in Los Colin's and came full circle passing away at the same hospital she was born in I NEED EVEYONES HELP PLEASE TO RAISE AWARENESS AND PLAN AN AMAZING EVENT that our community needs to start a heal and find support with each other.

I have run the La Mesa /San Diego Chapter of Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing and am an advocate for loved ones who are grieving since 2011. We struggle for the basic flyer's handouts and printing needs, resources to support getting the word out there to reach those who need us.

You could help by joining with us to plan the event, donating space for it to be held, donated battery-operated candles, making purple ribbon, or making donations to the silent auction or buying raffle ticket, or just coming out to support your community, international overdose Awareness Day is bigger than me or one chapter I do hope to hear from you soon!

Please contact Shawn Norton

Shawnmnorton@gmail.com

grasp.org

Type BOLD letters in the subject IOAD

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619 776 4013