What Mothers Leave Behind: People to Heal Us

I had a birthday two weeks ago and I imagined my mother all those years ago. A new baby right before Mother’s Day must’ve been a real joy.

My mother could drive me batty in the same way most mothers do with their daughters, but we had a strong, loving bond that transcends her death. I’ve always felt that we have the same heart, and are an extension of each other. 

And through her passing I've come to realize how moms are intuitively aware of their children's unspoken needs.

In the month’s before my mother passed away, a close family friend said my mom was holding on to make sure I would be okay when she was gone.

My mother said as much to me too. It was true that I wanted her to hold on for me, and it was months before I could say to her that I would be okay, and she could let go, if she needed to.

It’s been six and a half years, since she’s been gone and I’m always aware of her presence in spirit.

Knowing her, I’m sure she wanted nurturing women to at least partially help heal the gaping wound that would be left when she was gone.

The moms of my closest friends from childhood have always been second mothers to me, however they are not nearby and live in my hometown of Buffalo.

And so, a number of nurturing, loving women of all ages have come into my life. My mother knew only one of them but I know she somehow sent them all to me.

Guardian Angels Personified

There's Erna, the friend who said my mom was holding on for me. We've become like family. Erna is matter of fact about a spiritual strength that she sees in me and imparts wisdom, always telling me what’s really going on when I bring up my dilemmas.

Protective Clarice's nature is to outright say that her maternal instinct is rising. I can tell her anything and feel only love, with no judgment in return. 

A few years back, I told Clarice of a time when my mother’s health suddenly took a turn and she was in bed around the clock. I stayed home from work one day but was on deadline to complete an extensive self-evaluation. My mind was preoccupied with my mom and when I finally emailed the self-eval, I was aware that it had several typos in it. I was too distressed and exhausted to fix them or work on it any longer.

I sat on my mother’s bed and told her about the condition of eval and how it was sent to several people. She asked, “Well do they know you?” 

I said, “Yes, but you don’t understand. This was bad.”

She emphatically asked again, “Do they know you?

“Yes,” I said. 

“Well then, don’t worry about it.” 

And that was that.

My bosses never mentioned the evaluation and gave me a glowing review.

Clarice sometimes repeats those words to me when I bring up a concerning situation about someone. 

She says, “It goes back to those words your mother said, “Do they know you?”

Those words bring me back to the awareness and space I need to be in. 

Another friend, Soodi, is someone that I just adored and loved the moment I met her. Her love, whether I’m feeling sadness or joy, is simply comforting. 

When I confide in my friend Stephanie, she responds by lifting me up with words my mother would surely say, constantly reminding me of a beauty inside me.

And Rhoda, a mother of adult twin girls, exemplifies that intuitiveness that all mothers have. She looks at me with love and tells me all that I am.

In my mind, all blessings come from God, still I know my mother had a hand in bringing these women into my life.

Feeling my father’s presence in my life since he died 28 year ago, I told my mother before she passed that I had to believe that she’d be with me too when she was gone, and I asked her to promise she would be. She said that she would always be with me and my brothers, and that she would do anything she could to help me in times of need.

On Mother’s Day 2002, four years before she died, my mom gave me a letter titled, “To My Daughter on Mother’s Day.”

In part, it said:

I write this letter for you to read every Mother’s Day for as long as you live.

It’s not “Mother’s Day” to me, it’s “Daughter’s Day.” It’s a day I say to you that I don’t know what I would do without you, and another day that I thank God for giving you to me. If you had another mother and I saw you, I would still love you…”

Yet another gift she left behind.