From Bumble To Black Gown, Palatine Couple Ditch The Wedding Day Norms

PALATINE, IL — Lizz Pincsak has decided this much about her and Derek Kole’s upcoming wedding: Her gown will be black.

And since the Palatine couple’s Oct. 28 wedding is so close to Halloween, their guests shouldn’t be taken off guard if they spot a sorcerer or wizard or two among them.

Eschewing tradition is absolutely in character for Pincsak, 26, and Kole, 38.

They met on the dating app Bumble and came face-to-face for the first time at Pincsak’s sister’s wedding in St. Louis over the 2021 Labor Day Weekend.

“I was looking for a wedding date because I RSVP’d for two and got ghosted,” Pincsak told Patch in a phone interview. “I was too stubborn to pay my sister for the meal.”

Editor’s Note: Through Valentine’s Day, Patch is featuring stories about couples who answered our informal Valentine’s Day love stories survey. We asked them how they met and their secrets to a happy relationship.

To everyone but her brother — who had given her the idea of looking for a date on an app and was in the know in the event the date slid off the rails — Kole seemed like someone Pincsak had known forever.

“We clicked, like we had known each other for years,” she said. “My parents were absolutely in love with him immediately.”

‘I Gotta Get Back Out There’

Kole hadn’t dated anyone in a while. His last relationship had ended badly and, besides, between raising his son, going back to school to get his master’s degree and a night-shift job as a dispatch supervisor for UPS, he didn’t have time.

With his son now a freshman in college, Kole decided, “I gotta get back out there.”

The problem was, how was he going to meet someone? He’d had the same tight group of friends for 30 years, all settled in their relationships.

Despite some “apprehension at first,” Kole put his profile on Bumble. When Pincsak messaged him, he liked their common interests in technology, gaming and other “nerdy and geeky” things. During their chats, she mentioned she had been ghosted for her sister’s wedding.

“Hey,” he recalled saying, “I’ll go with you.”

Well, she said, it’s 350 miles away in St. Louis.

Kole had already scheduled a week of vacation after the Labor Day holiday. He had never been to St. Louis, or to Missouri for that matter. If nothing else, he would get a fun vacation.

• You May Also Like: She Had Him At ‘Can I Have A Ride In Your Red Camaro?’

“Why the hell not?” Kole recalled thinking. “Worst-case scenario, we don’t hit it off. I will have an interesting story to tell — if it works out, or if it doesn’t.”

It worked out. And it didn’t take long. And they do have an interesting story to tell.

“I’d never felt this kind of connection before with anyone else,” Pincsak said. “We knew really quick. We moved in with each other really quick. We’re getting married pretty quick.”

Kole’s experience was different. In his last relationship, “we were all about having fun and living in the moment,” he said. “We had to grow up and mature. We realized we were very different people. We realized, after many failed attempts to make things work, we were too different and it wasn’t possible.

“This is different,” he said. “We are very similar. We have a compatibility that makes it work.”

A Black-Out Wedding

The wedding with the black dress and black-out theme is still in the planning stages. Between their jobs, they haven’t had a lot of time to plan.

Kole just came off his company’s busy holiday delivery season, and Pincsak recently took on social media responsibilities at State Graphics, a commercial printing company in Chicago’s northern suburbs, where she is an estimator and works in customer support.

The details are starting to gel. The small gathering of friends and family will be asked to go along with the black-out theme and dress accordingly. Pincsak thinks her attendants will be “best men” instead of bridesmaids.

“I know we are looking at a spooky Halloween theme,” she said. “We both really like it.”

In other words, the couple won’t be turning to the leading wedding and bridal magazines to plan a Martha Stewart-approved wedding.

As for traditions, “we don’t feel like we have to follow them,” Pincsak said, adding the most traditional aspect may be that her brother, an ordained minister, will perform the ceremony.

Remaining true to their individuality has translated to success in both of their professional lives, and their marriage deserves no less, they said.

“I think for me, at least, I started becoming more successful when I stopped caring what others thought,” Pincsak said. “I will dress how I want to dress. I will do what feels 100 percent genuine to me.”

Friday Nights Are Sacrosanct

They’ll sort it all out on Friday date nights — a ritual they hold sacrosanct, and that they think every couple should. Both are busy with their jobs, and they work opposite shifts. Sometimes, they only see each other at dinnertime.

Their advice to other couples, whether their relationship is young or spans 50 or 60 years or longer, is to make sure they’re spending at least one night together a week to catch up and reconnect. Sometimes they go out to dinner; at other times they cook a meal together. They go to concerts, stay home and play their mutual passion, “Magic: The Gathering” card game, or watch a movie.

Keeping the commitment is the important thing, they said.

“Life can get hectic and crazy, and that’s when a disconnect happens,” Pincsak said. “Having a date night allows you to stay close with your partner and maintain that communication needed for a healthy relationship.”

‘If You Don’t Reach Out …’

They also have some advice for others who may be considering a dating app as a way to meet people: Why not?

With hundreds of dating apps to choose from, Pincsak went with Bumble, an app billed as one to “challenge the antiquated rules of dating” by requiring that when two people have been matched, those who identify as women reach out first. Both Pincsak and Kole liked the female empowerment aspect of the platform.

“I’ve tried others, and have gotten some obnoxious and nasty messages in the past,” Pincsak said. “It felt like a safe option.”

They may even recommend it if one of their future wedding guests needs a date.

“If our story can help one other couple take a chance and take the risk, and if they do, and it leads to a relationship, fantastic,” Kole said.

“But if you don’t reach out …” he said, as Pincsak finished the thought for him.

“You may miss your chance to find a soul mate,” she said, “like Derek and I did.”