ICYMI: Pastafarians, Rampaging Turkeys and Porn on the Loudspeaker at Target: Top Weird News Stories on Patch in 2015

By PATCH STAFF (Patch Staff)

At Patch we cover over 900 communities across America, a perspective that gives us a unique view of some pretty strange goings on. We hear about these warps in the fabric of normalcy from all manner of sources — from readers, social media, local law enforcement and from our vigilance of local crime blotters all over the country.

We were only five days into the New Year when we got word of a naked woman stuck in her ex-boyfriend’s chimney in California.

Things — believe it or not — just got weirder from there.

Soon we were reporting on porn blaring over the loudspeakers at a local Target, a dumpster listed on Craigslist as a studio apartment and a woman who was taking on The Man for the right to wear a pasta strainer on her head in her driver’s license photo.

Twice in 2015, we reported that fake cops had pulled over real cops — and in neither case did that particular pursuit work out well for the fake cop. It was just that kind of year.

So here’s our list of our top weird stories from the Patch in 2015. Enjoy. If you happen to appear in one of these stories, we hope your 2016 is a bit more vanilla — and if not, that you’ll at least send us the video.

Police: Fake Cop Pulls Over Real Cop

An Alexandria man was charged with impersonating a police officer after he allegedly pulled over precisely the wrong driver.

Naked Woman Rescued after Getting Herself Trapped in Ex’s Chimney

Breaking up is hard to do, but apparently breaking in is even harder. Ex-boyfriend gets the win in this one.

WATCH: Mama Bear And Cubs Go Swimming In Backyard Pool

As a heat wave rolled through New Jersey, followed by humidity and rain, one family of bruins couldn’t bear the temperatures anymore.

Texas Girl Reminded of Problem 12,000 Times A Day

A Texas girl’s affliction forced her to stop going to school and playing the clarinet. And doctors have no idea what is going on.

‘Explosively Cute’ Bunny Will Make You Roll Your Eyes

There’s absolutely nothing we can say about Wally, a bunny from Massachusetts, that will explain why he’s getting attention worldwide. All you have to do is see his picture.

‘Pastafarian’ Wins Right to Wear Spaghetti Strainer in Driver’s License Photo

A woman from Lowell, Mass. has won the right to take what may be the oddest driver’s license photo ever.

Porn Over Target Loudspeakers (Again) Sends Shoppers Scrambling to Cover Little Ears

Shoppers picking up healthy vegetables or Halloween costumes for their kids got more than they bargained for at discount retailer Target.

WATCH: Walmart ‘Melee’ Over TVs Lands Texas Man In Jail

A Texas man ended up in jail after he knocked over an old woman fighting for a TV and then hit a police officer at an El Paso Walmart, police said, calling it a “Black Friday melee.”

Brooklyn Dumpster ‘Apartment’ Posted to Craigslist for $1,200 Per Month

Someone is trying to rent out a renovated Williamsburg “home” on Craigslist for $1,200 month, or $200 per night. This art deco hipster retro mini apt was created from the unlikeliest of materials.

Turkey Gang Harasses Cape Cod Mailman

Neither snow nor rain nor ... wild turkeys?

‘Adorable’ Mugshot Girl’s Identity Revealed

A 19-year-old Texas girl facing three first-degree felony charges had the internet abuzz for her “adorable looks.” Then word got out about her dad.

Man Airlifted After 36 Hams Fall on His Head

An employee of Hatfield Quality Meats was injured when 720 pounds of ham fell on his head.

‘Dumb’ Wife Tried to Feed Dead Husband to the Birds

Ila Solomon, 55, loved her 88-year-old husband so deeply she desperately wanted to fulfill his dying wish.

Must See: Bumbling Bank Robber’s ‘Disguise’ Is World’s Most Conspicuous Fake Beard

A man sporting a fake beard was apprehended shortly after he allegedly made a failed attempt to rob a Wells Fargo bank branch in Mission Viejo, authorities said. Not all that weird — till you see the photo.

Gloucester Township Woman’s Dying Wish: ‘Do Not Vote For Hillary’

Elaine Fydrych apparently didn’t want any donations in lieu of flowers when her obituary was written up after her Aug. 13 death. Instead, she wanted to make a statement.

Naked Paint Parties Prompt Church’s Loss of Tax-Exempt Status

Drawing a line in the sand to define the difference between a church and a nightclub isn’t something local government officials have to do every day. Then there’s this.

Watch: 80-Year-Old Woman Cracks Up Courtroom

Delores Sheinis, 80, appeared in a Broward County court to answer criminal charges. Though those charges were addressed by Judge John Hurley, it was Delores who stole the show.

Loo-Cy, Motorized Toilet, Flushes Snow from Sidewalks

Anyone can crank up a snowblower to clear a sidewalk or grab a shovel to get rid of the snow. But David Goldberg of Union Hardware in Bethesda is likely the only guy in town to plow like this.

Pet Pig Falls Down Manhole, Gets Stuck

The owner’s pig-rescue plan wasn’t the most thought-out. Then things get really weird.