LI Woman Speaks About Heartbreak, Hope Of Hair Loss Journey: 'We Get Stronger Together When We Share'

NORTH FORK, NY — Sometimes, people find powerful strength and hope in sharing their most painful truths.

That's exactly why Rena Wilhelm, owner of The Weathered Barn in Greenport, has decided to speak candidly about one of the most sensitive and raw experiences of her life —her journey with hair loss — all with an eye toward shattering stigmas and letting others know that they are not alone.

Wilhelm said she first began to notice a difference in her hair in her 30s. "Up until then, I actually had too much hair — big, curly, and hard to manage. I was that person who didn’t quite know what to do with it all, especially before I found a stylist who really understood how to cut curly hair. Once I started getting those better haircuts, it became much more manageable. But looking back, I think part of that 'manageability' was actually early thinning — I just didn’t realize it at the time."

By the time she turned 40, her thinning hair became harder to ignore, Wilhelm said. "My scalp began to become visible along my hairline, and that's when I first tried Minoxidil. I didn’t stick with it, though. I now understand that the results with Minoxidil can be so subtle at first that it’s easy to assume it’s not working. As I approached my 50s and entered perimenopause, the hair loss really accelerated. It felt like it went into hyperdrive."

And so, while Wilhelm didn’t always have issues with thinning hair — in fact, it was quite the opposite— once the process started, "it was a slow and steady shift that eventually became hard to ignore," she said.

Despite being a strong and independent business owner, woman, wife, friend, and a tireless community advocate who has been working to breathe new life into the Greenport Skate Park, Wilhelm said the specter of hair loss could render her confidence shaken.

"I struggled for about 15 years with accelerated hair loss before I seriously sought out solutions. As the hair loss worsened, so did my confidence. I also battle with depression from time to time, so this really took a toll on my overall well-being. Mornings were especially hard — I didn’t even want to look in the mirror while getting ready for work. There were many times I cried before even walking out the door."

What made it even more difficult, she said, was the guilt she felt for feeling such despair about the condition.

"I kept telling myself, 'There are people facing far greater challenges. I should be grateful for all the good in my life.' All of those feelings just compounded what was a never-ending emotional rollercoaster," she said.

But slowly, a path forward began to emerge.

"About two years ago, I finally saw a dermatologist who recommended I try Minoxidil again. This time, I committed to it and did see some results — but they were subtle and not enough to make a meaningful difference for me," she said. "That’s when I began exploring alternative options and eventually discovered FUE, also known as Follicular Unit Extraction. I was, however, absolutely petrified, wasn't sure if I would have to shave my head, and didn't think I'd have the confidence to go through with it, which just fed into more depression."

For both women and men, hair remains critically important to self-image, she said.

"You know, I really think society has its priorities all messed up — especially when it comes to women and appearance. I grew up during the era of magazines like Seventeen, Glamour, and Mademoiselle. The messaging was relentless and incredibly damaging to the self-esteem of young girls. I had classmates in high school who struggled with eating disorders, and even though I was a dedicated athlete, I still constantly felt the pressure to look like the beauty standards I saw everywhere."

Today, with social media, that pressure is magnified, Wilhelm believes. "It’s everywhere, and the standards are not just unrealistic — they’re often completely dysmorphic. And hair, in particular, is such a huge part of how we present ourselves. When someone sees a woman losing her hair, the assumption is often that she must be sick or that something is wrong. That same assumption isn’t made when a man loses his hair. For men, it’s seen as a natural stage of life — even though I’m sure it can be just as emotionally painful for them. But for women, it still carries stigma."

On a deeper, more primal level, Wilhelm said: "Hair is often associated with youth, health, and vitality. So when you start losing it, the feeling can be that you’re losing part of your identity — or that others will see you as somehow diminished or less vibrant, even if you’re perfectly healthy."

It wasn't easy to share her story, Wilhelm said.

Reflecting on her emotions throughout the past years, she said, "Honestly, this feels like ripping off a Band-Aid—but I’ll say it: there were a lot of tears. And then a lot of shame for crying about it. I felt emotionally drained, and also exhausted by how much energy it took to pretend I was fine."

Wilhelm, who offers skincare products at her store, said she started engaging on social media — sharing her face, connecting with customers.

"But if you scroll back far enough, you’ll notice that a lot of those photos cut off the top of my head. That wasn’t an accident. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see how advanced the hair loss had become. Most of my customers probably never realized it, and that’s partly because they didn’t know what I looked like before, and partly because I got strategic with how I styled it. For the first time in my life, I was actually grateful to have curly hair— it helped hide the thinning. But hiding it didn’t make it easier. It just perpetuated the depression."

Researching treatment options also presented a wide range of emotions, she said. "On one hand, I felt hopeful — excited by the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I could do something about the hair loss. But that hope was quickly followed by fear. I found myself caught in this loop of highs and lows: wanting to fix the problem, but also questioning whether it was worth the financial investment, and more importantly — whether I’d have the confidence to actually go through with it."

She began with a few basic Google searches, she said. "Every time I got close to exploring the idea further, I’d pull back. I’d convince myself to just accept things as they were. But eventually, the emotional weight of it all became too heavy. I was tired of feeling defeated every time I looked in the mirror. I got to a point where I told myself, 'I deserve to do this for me."

In late November of last year, Wilhelm did one more search, and found Dr. Michael Gartner of Nova Medical Hair Transplant in Paramus, New Jersey, who specializes in hair transplant surgery.

"I started browsing their website, and what stood out immediately was one of their featured success stories: a woman who had undergone treatment for severe traction alopecia. Even though my hair loss was genetic, her story struck a chord. It gave me hope. And I didn't have to shave my whole head, just part of it."

Wilhelm found that woman on social media, and reached out to her directly. "And to my surprise, she responded with warmth and openness. She even gave me her number and told me to call. We talked, and she patiently answered all of my questions. Her willingness to share her journey helped me believe that I could do this, too. That same week, I picked up the phone, called Nova Medical, and made my appointment. It was one of the most empowering decisions I’ve made — not just for my appearance, but for my emotional well-being."

Wilhelm underwent the Follicular Unit Extraction procedure, a type of hair transplant that involves harvesting individual hair follicles — usually from the back of the head — and transplanting them to areas where hair is thinning or lost, she said.

The process begins with submitting photos of the scalp from multiple angles through an online portal. The team then analyzes those photos to estimate how many follicles will be needed.

"That estimate is important because the cost is based on the number of follicles. In my case, they determined I needed about 2,200 follicles for a successful outcome," she said.

"Next comes the actual procedure," Wilhelm said. "First, they shave the donor site — for me, that was the lower back portion of my head, where my hair density was highest. Honestly, I didn’t mind the shave — it reminded me of my 'New Wave' haircut from high school, so there was a bit of nostalgia!"

The procedure took about seven hours in total and takes place in two phases, she said. "It begins with you lying face down while they numb your scalp and use a 1mm extraction tool to carefully remove each individual follicle — literally, one by one. Each extracted follicle is counted and laid out in a petri dish. Some even contain multiple hairs, which is great when trying to achieve more density," Wilhelm said.

Once that phase is completed, the the donor site is bandaged and there's a break for lunch. "Then you sit up for Phase 2, where they work on the recipient area. At the same time they’re numbing the scalp, they also draw your blood for a platelet-rich plasma treatment, "which is essentially your body’s own fertilizer to support healing and stimulate growth," Wilhelm said.

Describing the experience, she added: "At this point, your scalp feels like it’s wearing a football helmet — just pressure, no pain. Then they begin making tiny incisions and implanting the follicles. You hear clicks and counts, but don’t feel it. It’s like being a human pin cushion. They work in batches — 100 incisions, then 100 implants — and repeat. It’s worth noting that while they’re being careful, some of your existing hair does get cut during this part of the process. So when you leave, it might look like you have less hair than when you walked in — but that’s temporary."

Once the procedure has been completed, they braid the hair and wrap the head from forehead to nape to reduce swelling, Wilhelm said.

"They put a bandana on you, give you instructions, and then you begin a six-week aftercare plan. For the first couple of weeks, I had to spray both the donor and transplant sites with saline multiple times a day. I couldn’t wash my hair immediately, and was only allowed to rinse with a cup of baby shampoo and water — no standing under a shower head. I also had to sleep propped up for at least a week to prevent swelling. All of the numbing agents have to drain from your body, and it starts settling in the forehead and eventually between your eyes. I looked like a 'Klingon' for a few days."

But the transformation had begun.

"The scabs on the donor site healed within a week, while the transplanted area took closer to two weeks. I wasn’t allowed to use any styling products or heat tools for six weeks. I just wore my hair in braids and waited it out. My scalp was pink and remained numb for a couple of months from all the incisions. The nerve endings' network needed to heal," Wilhelm said.

Then, she said, came the stage many people aren't prepared for, that Wilhelm deemed "shock loss."

Around two months post-op, the new hair shafts fall out, she said. "That’s totally normal, and the follicle itself stays intact. It’s part of the process, and since I knew it was coming, I wasn't shocked. But my hair loss was really noticeable. I wore a bunch of hats."

Fy Month 4, she started to see tiny new hairs breaking through. "That's when I was finally able to exhale. Just four months," she laughed, "to trust the process."

At around Month 4, her scalp became noticeably itchy, which she later learned is actually a good sign.

"That itchiness was the result of new hair starting to push through the scalp. It felt like a strange kind of excitement, like my body was quietly confirming that the process was working," Wilhelm said.

Today, Wilhelm is at Month 6, and has about a half-inch of new growth. "It’s important to note, though, that the hair comes in very fine at first — more like peach fuzz — so it’s not immediately obvious. Trust me, I was inspecting with a magnifying glass! The follicles are clearly producing hair, but it will take another six months or so before they reach full thickness and blend naturally with my existing hair. It takes a full year to see the final, maximum results from an FUE transplant," Wilhelm said.

She added that she decided to support the process with additional PRP (Platelet-Rich Plasma) treatments at Nova Medical. "Their specialist, Jamie Espinal, who is also their surgical coordinator, has been incredible. Although I could go somewhere local for PRP, I’d rather make the drive to Paramus, NJ, and have all my care and progress monitored in one place. It just feels right to keep everything under one roof, with a team that knows my case intimately," she said.

Wilhelm reflected on how deeply she's been impacted by the decision that changed her life.

"This whole experience has truly been a lesson in patience, which isn’t one of my natural strengths. However, documenting the process, checking in on progress, and knowing what to expect have helped me manage both my nerves and anticipation. And now, with the early signs of success coming through, I feel hopeful and proud that I took this step for myself."

The most empowering part has been finally choosing to prioritize herself, Wilhelm said. "And not feeling guilty about it. I’m naturally someone who helps others first. It’s instinctual for me, and while that can be a beautiful trait, it also comes with mixed emotions. Because when you constantly put yourself last, it eventually takes a toll — not just on you, but on everyone around you. I realized that if I’m not at my best, I can’t truly offer my best to others. And I didn’t want to keep carrying the emotional weight of my hair loss, especially not at home. My husband has always loved me —whether I have one hair on my head or enough to jump rope with — but I didn’t want my pain to become his burden."

What buoyed her during the process was documenting her story, not just for herself — but with the hope that it could help someone else, Wilhelm said. "That gave me a renewed sense of purpose, reminding me that vulnerability can be powerful and that sharing our stories has the potential to uplift others."

When asked what the greatest lesson the journey has taught Wilhelm about herself is, she said: "I’ll be honest — I’m still working on letting go of the guilt that sometimes creeps in when I do something just for me. I’m learning, slowly but surely, that there’s nothing selfish about choosing healing or confidence. This chapter has been about reclaiming space for myself, and that, in itself, has been incredibly empowering."

Wilhelm credits her husband for his unwavering support.

"Having a partner like Jason during such an emotional time has meant everything to me. Honestly, it could be an entire story of its own. If you know our history, you might already be familiar with the fact that the first seven years of our marriage were spent trying to save Jason’s eyesight. Just six months after we met, he was diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy, and suddenly we were facing a terrifying and uncertain future. But I knew immediately — I wasn’t going anywhere. I was meant to walk through that chapter with him."

In fact, she said, the couple actually made the decision to get married during one of his very first specialist visits.

"Flipping through a Highlights magazine, we sort of looked at each other and said, 'So, are we gonna get married'? A year later, he underwent three extremely high-risk eye surgeries and our wedding was right after that. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster! Those early years were incredibly hard, but they shaped the foundation of our marriage in a powerful way. They taught us to value the small things, to keep life simple, and to lean on each other without hesitation."

She added: "Now, nearly 27 years later, I can say without exaggeration that there’s never been a day Jason hasn’t shown up for me — whether it's something as big as a major career change or something as intimate as the decision to get a hair transplant. He’s seen every tear, heard every insecurity, and never once made me feel like I had to hide any of it. I often tell myself that I’m one of the luckiest people in the world to have someone like him by my side. I don’t think people fully grasp just how amazing he is — but I do. And that’s all that matters."

For others who might be feeling insecure or embarrassed about their hair, Wilhelm said when it comes to helping others, she's an open book — even if it means sharing her own insecurities.

"Talking openly about hair loss and everything that comes with it hasn’t been easy, but it also hasn’t felt hard, when I keep in mind that it might help someone else — whether it’s another woman or a man silently struggling with the same thing."

Helping others is the single most important reason that she decided to share her story on social media, Wilhelm said — "to raise awareness, to remove the stigma, and to let someone out there know that they’re not alone."

She added: "The second reason, if I’m being honest, is more personal — it's been a way to challenge myself. To rebuild my self-confidence. To remind myself that I don’t need to feel ashamed.
There’s always that mental dance: 'Am I really going to show this? Does anyone even care?' But if just one person sees my story and feels even a little less insecure or embarrassed, then it’s all worth it. Then I’ve done something good."

And truthfully, Wilhelm concluded: "I’m only here on this journey because another woman was brave enough to share hers. That’s what gave me the courage to take my first step. So now, I’m just paying it forward. Because everyone deserves to feel confident in their own skin — even when the path there is vulnerable, raw, and full of self-doubt. We get stronger together when we share."