'She Was A Light': Event Honors LI's Gabby Petito As Fierce Fight Against Domestic Violence Gains Strength

LONG ISLAND, NY — August will mark four long years since Gabby Petito's family last saw the beautiful, giggling young woman who touched hearts, they said, since the moment she was born. During her short life, Gabby, her family said, had dreams and a passion for travel — she was wending her way cross-country on what was meant to be the trip of a lifetime when her promising story ended in pure heartbreak for all who loved her.

According to the Gabby Petito Foundation: "Gabrielle Venora Petito entered the world on March 19, 1999. Tragically, on August 27, 2021, her life was cut short at the young age of 22. She was on a cross-country road trip with her fiancé, Brian Laundrie."

What began as an apparent joyful journey, documented by Gabby in her "Van Life" video on YouTube, soon turned dark and terrifying.

When Gabby did not respond to her mother's repeated texts, she filed a missing person's report with Suffolk County police on Sept. 10, 2021, sparking a massive interstate search that had the nation and the world hoping fervently for her safe return.

Laundrie returned in Petito's van to his parents' house in Florida and refused to cooperate with investigators. He ended up going into a nearby swamp, where investigators say he shot himself.
In a notebook later found near his remains, Laundrie claims to have carried out a mercy killing, because she was in so much pain after falling into a ravine.

Gabby Petito's remains were found near Grand Teton National Park on Sept. 19, 2021. Her cause of death was determined to be strangulation.

In the years since she died, her family has worked tirelessy to create change through The Gabby Petito Foundation, so that no other young woman ever has to die, alone and terrified, at the hands of a likely abuser.

"Gabby’s story made national headlines as the world looked for her, praying she was still alive," the Foundation's website said. "In response to her death, the Gabby Petito Foundation was born. Her story has inspired people around the world and will continue to help others be free from the dangers of intimate partner violence.

"Gabby was a free spirit who loved travel, art and nature. She was just starting her life as a vanlife travel vlogger and was so full of joy as her journey was just beginning. She created the YouTube channel, Nomadic Statik, where she posted about her travels. Her smile could fill a room, she loved movies, music, healthy food, and created amazing works of art. Gabby was a wonderful big sister, the oldest of six, they looked up to her and adored her. The tragic loss of Gabby has shattered our family," the Foundation said. "Our hearts will forever be broken."

And together, Gabby's family is working to create concrete change, one step at a time.

On Friday, The Gabby Petito Foundation is hosting the 2nd Annual Touch the World, Change the World Golf Outing at Willow Creek Golf and Country Club in Mt. Sinai, with 100 percent of proceeds to benefit the Gabby Petito Foundation.

The Gabby Petito Foundation's mission, the website says, "remains to prevent domestic violence and support the search for missing persons through education, awareness, and prevention strategies. It is committed to empowering communities and fostering partnerships that strengthen efforts to end domestic violence and reunite families with missing loved ones. By developing innovative programs, providing essential resources, and advocating for systemic change, it aims to create a safer, more supportive, and collaborative environment for all."

Speaking with Patch, Gabby's mother Nichole Schmidt and stepmother Tara Petito, as well as her stepfather Jim Schmidt,spoke about the girl who changed all of their lives forever.

The Foundation, both said, is critical in keeping Gabby's memory alive and vibrant — and in helping to raise awareness about the reality of domestic violence.

"The foundation helps raise money," Tara said. To keep the mission alive, funds are needed to raise awareness, and to help find other missing people, she said. Friday's event, she added, is also meant to be a fun experience, where the many who loved he can "remember Gabby and who she was — because she was an amazing individual."

Gabby's story has resonated widely again in recent months, as a new docuseries, the three-episode "American Murder: Gabby Petito," debuted on Feb. 17 at #1 on English TV at 31.3 million views, according to Netflix.

Her mother, Nichole Schmidt, said her beautiful, spirited girl's story has touched countless hearts — and saved lives — across the world. She and the other members of Gabby's family remain committed to the Foundation so that the stigma of domestic violence is forever shattered.

"Because of what happened to her, we have come to the realization about what's going on in this world. We're not just going to turn a blind eye to the fact that domestic violence is killing women every day," Nichole said.

The goal, she said, is to host events that raise awareness while having fun. "I don't want it to always be sad," she said. "These events are important because we need funding to create programs for domestic violence prevention. Also, there are a lot of missing people out there — and we want to help those families, as well. These events are important and we'll keep doing them — and we'll keep telling Gabby's story. Because Gabby represents so many other women in this fight, and so many other victims."

Tara added that the group's hashtag is #TogetherWeCan.

Gabby's family agrees that police, communities, teachers, families and domestic violence prevention groups need to work together to open the world's eyes and educate.

Critical, Tara said, is getting the Lethality Assessement Protocol passed in New York; it has been passed in Florida and in Utah, she said.

According to the Laurel Center, "a lethality assessment is an evaluation that predicts the likelihood of serious injuries or death. It provides an easy and effective method to identify victims of domestic violence who are at the highest risk of being seriously injured or killed by their intimate partners."

Gabby's father Joseph Petito was headed to Albany this week to advocate for the statewide passage of the LAP program.

Speaking about the Moab, Utah traffic stop videocam footage — posted by Fox 13 Tampa Bay on YouTube — during which Gabby could be seen, her face streaked with tears, countless parents and others have sounded a rallying cry, asking why more had not been done, why Gabby did not receive domestic violence services from officers at the scene.

"We do believe that if those police officers out in Utah had used the LAP, Gabby would be here," Tara said.

Added Nichole: "We need to come together in our communities, in our towns and in our states, to protect victims. We have to have harsher laws for perpetrators. I hear about case about case, about people not getting arrested for being violent. That needs to change. We'll keep talking to all the politicans we can, and the police departments. We want to train them."

Law enforcement and domestic violence organizations need to work hand-in-hand, Tara said, adding that domestic violence calls are the most dangerous for police officers to respond to.

The seeds of change begin with education, Gabby's family believes. "We're trying to create programs that will help us get into schools — educate students in colleges and high schools. Some schools, unfortunately, will not let us in right now."

But, refusing to let any setback stem the tide of change, Gabby's family is working on a series of videos for students that can be posted on the Foundation's website and social media "so kids have something to learn from."

The goal is to not only visit schools and offer training, but to have a place where parents, teens, law enforcement and teachers can go, to find life-saving infomation and tools — but those videos and programs need funding, Nichole said.

"It's a lot of work but we're trying our best," Nichole said.

"We really love to talk to the students; they are amazing," Tara added. Recently, they spoke at LIU Post. "The students are just wonderful. They are so willing and really want to learn. They want to learn the red flags — and keep themselves safe. They're so receptive. They want this."

Gabby's story has opened the proverbial floodgates for young women around the world, Nichole said. "We call it #BecauseOfGabby. From the beginning, we've gotten thousands of emails and TikTok videos, telling us Gabby saved their lives."

The videos, she said, pour in from across the world "It's not just a problem here; it's everywhere," Nichole said.

When asked what they believed Gabby would say, if she knew that she'd created such a tremendous force for change, Nichole said her daughter's spirit inspires. "I feel like I always hear her. I'm always thinking, 'I can't do this. I can't do this.' But then I hear Gabby telling me, 'Mom, I've got you.' So she is completely guiding us. I feel that she's here with us."

She added: "Even when we feel we're done, that we can't do it anymore — because it's hard; we melt down at times. It's a hard road, with doors slammed in your face constantly, and no one wants to talk about domestic violence — we feel Gabby's strength, just guiding us."

"She's always with us," Tara agreed. "She sends signs all the time. I think she's probably giggling. That's something we all miss. We miss her laugh the most."

Despite the work they are doing in Gabby's name, there are still moments that break forever shattered hearts.

"It's a moment by moment thing," Nichole said. "Things that trigger me out of nowhere. A memory will pop up on Facebook from five or six, or 10 years ago, and you remember that she's not here anymore. She was here then, but it's just a memory now. That's all you have, is your memories."

That's why Gabby's family always tells everyone to take the photos and the videos, Nichole said. "We're so happy that she had all that footage, that she took selfies like crazy."

"We encourage people to take the trip, to go live life, have adventures," Tara said. "You only live once. Gabby was fearless. She was going cross country, trying to live her best life and showing people that there's a whole world out there that's absolutely beautiful."

It's important, Tara said, to "still live and have happiness. Grief is going to come hit us in waves; it's never going to end, it's always there — but we ty to remember the memories that we have of her."

Describing Gabby, Nichole said: "She was definitely a light. She came into this world a force to be reckoned with. She would walk into a room and you would feel her energy, even when she was a tiny toddler. She was just a powerful force."

Gabby, she said, was artistic, so creative. "She made the world a more beautiful place. No matter what it was — if you saw pictures of her tent, even, it looked like a four-star hotel room, in a boho hippie kind of way."

"She had an eye," Tara agreed. "She was able to see something and make it beautiful. She was just amazing."

Both agreed that Gabby was also a "typical teenager" when she was younger, knowing which parents to go to if one said "no;" knowing who would say "yes," they laughed.

Describing the scene in the Netflix docuseries when the family went to see the space where Gabby's remains were found, both Nichole and Tara agreed that they felt their girl with them.

Seeing the younger children, including Gabby's little brother on his knees in tears, was hard, they said. Tara said she and Gabby had loved painting rocks, so they'd brought markers to decorate rocks to leave at the memorial site.

There is comfort in the glory of that vista, they said. "I think about the beauty of nature," Nichole said. "I'm just happy that was her final resting place. We work with a lot of families and victims are found in the most horrible circumstances. We have a beautiful place to visit."

And, too, it's a place where Gabby herself wanted to be, a place that inspired her dreams and filled her heart. "It's her spot, and it's just gorgeous," Nichole said. "There's that one photo we took and there's an orb, right in the center." Seeing the orb, they said, brought peace — the certainty that Gabby was always with them, in their hearts and lives.

And, Tara said, there is relief in knowing that Gabby was found. "Some people never get to bring their loved ones home," she said. "We were able to bring Gabby home."

One woman they have worked with, Nichole said, has been searching for her mother for 44 years.

If they could speak to other women who might be living in fear, Nichole said she'd tell them: "You're not alone."

It's important to find someone to talk to — and most critical, to have a safety plan, she said. "The most dangerous time for you is when you are trying to leave."

Nichole added not to stop trying to find help. "There are people out there who will believe you, even if it's a hotline or a domestic violence prevention agency."

Also, Tara added, those agencies are often inundated with calls, so it's important to keep reaching out.

For those who feel uncomfortable calling or using their phones, many organizations have chat and text options that can be pulled up on websites at public libraries, they said.

But, both added, if in danger, it's important to dial 911 immediately.

Reflecting on how Gabby lost her life, her family said the public and law enforcement need to be educated about strangulation.

If someone strangles you and constricts airflow, Tara said, it's important to go to the emergency room because even though external injuries might not be visible or present, life-threatening internal injuries might exist.

Strangulation statistics stagger, they agreed: According to the Training Institute on Strangulation, a woman who has experiened a non-fatal strangulation incident with their intimate partner is 750 perent more likely to be killed by the same person with a gun.

"It's not a matter of if, it's when," Tara said.

Strangulation, they said, is the "most lethal form of domestic violence abuse," not just to victims; the offenders are dangerous to law enforcement and the public, as well, studies indicate. That's why, Gabby's family said, education of police officers is critical.

Also, Jim Schmidt, Gabby's stepfather said, saying that stangulation is lethal is "not an understatement." And yet, he said, while strangulation can be charged as a felony in all 50 states, less than 90 percent of offenders are convicted due to lack of physical evidence, with many charges lessened to misdemeanor assault, criminal obstruction of breathing, or assault and battery, according to studies.

Schmidt said that some studies indicated that up to 20 to 40 percent of those who kill law enforcement have a history of strangulation offenses; in addition, the National Institute of Health said that non-fatal strangulation is an "important risk factor for homicide of women."

In addition, women who have endured strangulation may have memory loss. "The portion of the brain responsible for memory is the part that needs the most oxygen," Schmidt said. "When it's restricted it's like writing down the day's events on a piece of paper then ripping it into 100 pieces and tryng to remember."

Many women who are victims of abuse recant their testimony, for many reasons, including fear and lack of resources, Schmidt said. He suggested that prosecutors look at those cases differently, as homicides, where "witnesses cannot testify."

When asked what they would say to their precious Gabby, a beautiful life force, if they could speak with her again, Nichole said: "I would tell her, 'I'm proud of you,' because she literally changed the world. She touched the world in a big way. Because of Gabby, people are starting to do things differently, lives are being saved — people are finally beginning to talk about domestic violence. Missing people have been found."

Tara added: "We'd tell her that we miss her and love her. And to please keep sending the signs, because we need those."

(With reporting by Peggy Spellman Hoey)