Mom Says, ‘Don’t Be A Lemming,’ And Other Sage Advice For Mother’s Day 2025

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Dominic Tagler’s mother told him.

The Frankfort (Illinois) Patch reader was among those responding to an informal Mother’s Day survey asking readers to share the best their mothers or mother figures ever gave them.

“Growing up, I struggled to accept myself because I was constantly using those around me as ways to seek affirmation in my own identity,” Tagler said. “She instilled this value in me and guided me to become content with myself and focus on my own journey.”

He described his mother as “the most diligent, selfless, and considerate individual I know.”

“Every choice she makes is rooted in the betterment of those around her, including her husband and four children,” Tagler said.

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Wear Beige And Keep Quiet

West Chester (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Linda Levey’s mother died 15 years ago and a day doesn’t pass that she doesn’t think of her.

“Mom was a font of advice,” Levey said. “Among her gems was when my first son was getting married. She said, ‘Wear beige and keep your mouth shut.’

“While I didn’t take it literally, I got the sentiment,” she continued. “It is really the bride’s day. … I took a quiet approach, offered opinions when asked, and enjoyed both my sons’ weddings, and I have wonderful relationships with in-laws and new daughters!”

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Levey added that she “married off daughters, too,” proclaiming that a “different animal altogether.”

Woodbury (Minnesota) Patch reader Junie said her mother made the same point: “A good mother-in-law knows when to shut up and step back.”

Junie said she didn’t understand until she married, and her mother-in-law didn’t follow the same code.

“My mom always has tons of advice nuggets, but that one always stuck out to me because it was something that had been passed down for generations,” she said.

How To Handle Gaslighting

Royal Oak (Michigan) Patch reader Mary Barson had three brothers and no sisters. Starting as boys and continuing as men, they have gaslighted her for what amounts to sport. They denigrated her for years, saying she was “insane,” “crazy,” and “nuts” any time she disagreed with them on an issue.

“It really hurt my feelings,” Barson said.
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One day, one of her brothers pushed too hard when they landed on opposite sides of an issue.

“You’re crazy. You always have been. Everybody says it,” he told her.

Her mom helped her through it as she always had, “with a touch of humor,” Barson said.

“She knows how my brothers tease me and have always said mean things to me. I asked her, ‘Why do they always say I’m crazy? Am I?”

Barson’s mother reassured her.

“It’s not you, it’s them,” Barson’s mom told her. “You’re not crazy. You’re surrounded by crazy.”

Soon, she was laughing off the slight with her mother “She said, ‘I’m sorry, but it’s true! You’re not the crazy one.”

Barson’s mother died nine months later.

“My mom’s words of wisdom that day, I hold them in my heart,” she said.

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Pay Yourself First

Branford (Connecticut) Patch reader Patricia Santoro was able to comfortably retire in 2019 at age 62, all because she listened to her mother.

“By far her best advice was to ‘pay yourself first and save for retirement,’” Santoro said. “I really didn’t take that to heart until I was 30 years old and started a job with 401(k) with matching funds. I saved as much as I could, foregoing most travel, entertainment and ‘wants’ vs. ‘needs.’”

Barnstable-Hyannis (Massachusetts) Patch reader Mari’s mother gave her job advice, too.

“Hold on to your career through the best and worst of times. She was right!” Mari said, adding that her mother was a “kind soul.”

‘Don’t Be A Lemming’

Patch reader Betty Burke said her mother — “a strong woman who believed in learning something new every day” — taught her to set her own course independent of what others around her were doing.

“Don’t be a lemming,” her mother said. “Be yourself.”

Glen Burnie (Maryland) Patch reader Amy Jones’ mother was a force, too.

“She was the strongest, bravest woman I’ve ever known,” Jones said. Her mother’s best advice?

“If it aggravates you, get rid of it,” Jones said.

Toms River (New Jersey) Patch reader Tom A. said his mother was a beloved character who left a lasting impression.

“She was the most amazing person and loved by everyone, and if she liked you, or even if she didn't, she would give you a nickname that would stick with you for life!” he said.

Her best advice: “Don’t ever lie, because if you lie, you better have a very good memory.”

The advice Marlborough (Massachusetts) Patch reader Judy Olesh’s mother always gave involving the ethics of reciprocity wasn’t unique.

“My mother always told me to follow the Golden Rule: ‘Treat other people the way you want to be treated,’” she said.

“She always emphasized that we (her children) should work hard by giving our best effort each and every single day at our jobs,” Olesh added.

Make Your Own Fun

Nan Alexandra Drinkard said her mom’s advice was simple and direct: “Have fun!”

“My mom believed in the power of positivity,” the Rochester-Rochester Hills (Michigan) Patch reader said. “She made her own fun and taught us how to make something out of nothing.”

Johnnie Reynolds, Drinkard’s mother, was an actress whose credits included plays the Avon Players Theatre in Rochester, where she and Drinkard’s dad, Jim, were early members.

Johnnie Reynolds also worked at a local funeral home. “She even had fun at work!” her daughter said.

Her mother always saw the positive side of a situation, even when she was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2004. Discussing it with her daughter, she said, “Oh, I always wondered how I was going to die. Now, I know,” Drinkard said.

Drinkard sent a photo of her mother and father and some of their Avon Players friends on a trip to Boyne Highlands in northern Michigan. Reynolds is the woman in white who is holding the white balloon.

“It makes me think of what Heaven might look like, and there’s my mom reminding me to ‘Have Fun!’” she said.

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Live Life With No Regrets

Karen Positan, who reads Cranford (New Jersey) Patch and Springfield (Pennsylvania) Patch, is celebrating her mother Ruth Positan’s second century of life. She turned 100 in March.

“All of her advice was priceless but her morsel at 95 years old is one of our favorites: ‘Life is a crap shoot. Just get up every day, take it the way it comes, and just do your best always.’”

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Arlington (Virginia) Patch reader Maureen said her mother kept it simple, too. “Live your life with no regrets,” she told Maureen and her siblings.

Maureen passes the same advice on to her own children, along with, “It is nice to be nice.”

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“She was a parent of six and an incredible provider as a stay-at-home mom to us, and started working in the travel business at age 50,” Maureen said. “A very happy life was had by all!”

Bellmore (New York) Patch reader Kathryn’s mother was a sage of few words, too. “Where there is life,” she advised her daughter, “there is hope.”

Stephanie Lewis, who reads Quincy Patch and Falmouth Patch, both in Massachusetts, said her mother’s best advice was a single word: “Moisturize.”

“She died in 1986 with beautiful skin,” Lewis said.