Valentine’s Day Couples Dish On What It Takes To Have A Happy Union

ACROSS AMERICA — The three dozen couples who told us how they met and how they’ve stayed together could legitimately offer relationship counseling.

Common themes from our informal Patch survey touched on the importance of commitment, communication and intimacy.

“You have to commit to helping each other grow into the best version of themselves,” according to Fairfield (Connecticut) Patch readers Frank and Erica, both 41, who met in preschool and have been dating for 10 years. “Growing together is a beautiful thing.”

“Don’t ever give up on each other, no matter how bad things get,” Woonsocket (Rhode Island) Patch readers Dan and Anissa advised. They met on a dating site and have been together 12 years, two of them as husband and wife.

Shirley-Mastic (New York) Patch readers Bill and Sherry met in high school and have been together 44 years. “It takes a lot of work, and you both have to want it to last,” they said. “Listen to each other.”

Figure It Out Together

From the moment they said “I do” 50 years ago this April, Susan and Frank have been on their own. They currently live in Pembroke, New Hampshire, but because of their work and “a shared desire to roam,” they have called various cities home.

Their marriage is so rock solid, they spent six years living in an RV together.

“We were completely on our own from Day 1 of our marriage, having left central New York to live in southern California,” they explained. We had to ‘work it out’ no matter what. Talking and listening, being honest but kind and supporting one another formed the strong relationship we have.”

Other tips: Agree on goals and make a plan on how to achieve them, but review that plan as life goes on. “That allowed us to fully retire at ages 48 and 51, respectively,” they said.

Jennifer and Shawn, who read Massapequa (New York) Patch, make time to date, which they said is important whether a couple has been together five or 45 years. They’ve been together for seven years.

“Always date each other,” they said. “It is so important to take a night for just the two of you. No kids, no other couples. Get dressed up and go somewhere nice, or plan something fun like bowling and have some laughs.”

Be Each Other’s Best Friends

Romeoville (Illinois) Patch readers Liz and Jeff will celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary in September. Besides communication, “being friends with your spouse is also important,” Liz said.

“When you have those two things in addition to love, it makes for a lasting relationship,” she said. “My husband and I also make each other laugh and love to spend time together. If you actually like each other and are not just attracted to each other physically, it will also make for a longer, more meaningful relationship.”

Toms River (New Jersey) Patch readers Richie and Joanne have been friends almost as long as either can remember. They met as 9-year-olds in the third grade. As Joanne recalled it, Mrs. Griffith, the teacher, said, “Let’s welcome Richard to our class,” then asked her to move her chair and desk so he could sit beside her best friend, Patrick.

Joanna said she wasn’t excited about having to move her seat until lunchtime, when she realized she liked the new boy whose desk was beside her good friend’s.

“I went home from school and told my sister, ‘I really like the new boy.’ ”

They were great friends through grade school and middle school, and started dating when they were in high school, going together to every party and prom. Friends for 56 years, Richie and Joanne will celebrate their 45th anniversary this April.

“Really, Joanne said, “all I can offer is, develop a friendship first, then everything falls into place — trust, loyalty and love.” Read more about them below.

• For This Couple, Friendship Is Everything

Hatboro-Horsham (Pennsylvania) Patch readers Nick Fox and Nicole Hobbs will celebrate 19 years together in July.

“Be true and genuine,” Nick said. “Be accepting. Try to understand their mind, ways and thoughts. Support them and accept when they support you. Continue to grow as an individual, but help them if need be. Make time and happy moments, regardless if it’s a night out to dinner, visiting family or watching a movie at home with hot wings and popcorn.”

Livermore (California) Patch readers Andrew and Karen said forming a solid friendship is essential, pointing out “it’s really hard to stay mad at or fight with someone you truly like as a person.” They’ve been together for 10 years and got married in June.

It’s True: Don’t Go To Bed Mad

Several readers offered variations of “don’t go to bed mad” — a cliché because it’s universal, standard advice among happily coupled people.

“Don’t sleep on the couch, no matter how bad the argument gets,” said South Brunswick (New Jersey) Patch reader Karen. She and Howie have been together for 31 years. He was a midnight beat cop and she was a nighttime cab dispatcher, and her office was on his beat when they met.

Naugatuck (Connecticut) Patch, work colleagues before they were a couple, have learned over the past 28½ years to “never go to bed angry at each other, let things go quickly and not hold anger toward each other.”

“Honestly,” said Sue, an Enfield (Connecticut) Patch reader who will celebrate 36 years with her husband, Jeff, on Valentine’s Day, “never go to bed mad at each other.”

Kayla and George McCoy of Pemberton, New Jersey, agree with that. To avoid it, recognize that it’s OK to disagree without fighting about differences in opinions and problems to be overcome. They keep their 12-year relationship strong by embarking on new adventures together. Read more about that below.

• This Happy Couple Seek Adventure Every Day

Lauren and Vince, Gloucester Township (New Jersey) Patch readers, have been together 15 years and married for 10.

“It is a true partnership,” they said. “If something needs to be done, one of us does it. We do not nag or argue. It just gets done and it truly makes a difference.”

Laugh Together, Even When It’s Hard

Laughter is one of the languages of love, readers said.

Marc and Mary Ellen, Clinton (Connecticut) Patch readers, met in high school and dated for seven years before they got married 37 years ago.

“Life is hard,” they said. “You need to laugh every day together.”

“Keep laughing!” said Marc and Karen, Temecula (California) Patch readers, who met on a three-day cruise and have been together 19 years. “Let the little things go. Unless it’s life-altering, it really doesn’t matter.”

Channahon-Minooka (Illinois) Patch readers Mike and Michelle, who were introduced by a mutual friend, have been together for 26 years. She wasn’t interested at first, but gave him a chance. He made her laugh.

“Anything worth having is worth working on,” Michelle said. “When you commit to one another, honor that commitment every single day. Go on date nights once per week. Be respectful always. Walk away when mad and discuss later when no longer angry. Keep laughing through life!”

Jon and Kate, together for 28 years, met at work. One of the most important things couples can do is “never stop growing together,” said Kate, a Madison (Connecticut) Patch reader.

“Relationships are hard work and, as individuals, you will evolve and change over time,” she said. “Support one another, challenge one another, communicate (even when it’s hard) and laugh whenever you can.”

Mary, a Doylestown (Pennsylvania) Patch reader, also emphasized the importance of talking about things that matter. She and her husband, Jason, have been together since 2004

“Communicate, communicate and more communication,” she said. “Also, you need laughter and respect for your relationship. Support your spouse, even if it’s hard. My husband is a firefighter and it’s not easy being married to a firefighter. But it works because I support him.”

Take A Chance

Lisa, a Middletown (New Jersey) Patch reader, met her husband, Kevin, on a dating app. They’ve been together for nine years and married for three.

“On our first date, I turned up my personality full blast,” she said. “I thought, ‘if you want to run, run now.’ But he didn’t and I am so glad.”

Derek Kole, a Palatine (Illinois) Patch reader, figured that if a date with Lizz Pincsak, arranged after they met online, didn’t work out, he would at least have a terrific story to tell. Read more about that below.

• From Bumble To Black Gown, Couple Ditch Wedding Norms

Apple Valley-Rosemount (Minnesota) Patch reader Kevin Bettelli’s 1984 red Chevrolet Camaro caught his now wife Jenni’s eye before he did. She saw it from her college dorm room every day and, her curiosity piqued, she left a note asking if she could have a ride. Read more about that below.

• She Had Him At ‘Can I Have A Ride In Your Red Camaro?’

Chris and Janine, Miller Place-Rocky Point (New York) Patch readers have been together 17 years after meeting at the local Waldbaum’s supermarket.

“I got tired of waiting for him to ask me out, so I wrote my number on the bottom of his receipt one night,” she said. They’ve lasted 17 because of “communication, trust and understanding one another’s needs and wants.”

Another Rocky Point couple, Alycia and Maudo, have been together 44 years. “He was the singer in my friend’s band,” Alycia said. “I had to become a groupie, of course.”

Her advice for a successful marriage:

“No name-calling, have your own passions and encourage your partner to do the same, have a team mentality when parenting, stay affectionate.”

The bottom line, according to Naugatuck (Connecticut) Patch readers Hannah and Charlie, who met in junior high and have been together for ten years:

“Find someone who is good to you, good for you and makes you happy.

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